My iPhone Quest

OK, so, as you know, I had a photo shoot last night. But I was still bound and determined to get my iPhone, so I drove past the AT&T store in Cherry Creek on my way, just to scope out the situation. I seriously felt like I was back in high school driving past my crush’s house. But when you have been a freak about something for months, you need to just commit. There were about 50 people in line and all way hipper and cooler than me – so I figured I would try one of the more outlying stores after my shoot (I printed a list!) and see how it went.

My photo shoot was fun (more on that later) and of course, everyone is egging me on to go get the iPhone. At this point, I felt like I would be letting everyone down if I didn’t get one, right? Pressure, pressure, pressure!

I hit the AT&T store in Colorado Mills on the west side of town at about 8:30pm. There are about 10 people in the store and few security guards. As I am walking in, I am thinking, “Wow, Jobs really underestimated this one! I am gonna SKATE into my new phone!”

I tell the handy dandy service dude that I am interested in the iPhone. He proceeds to get me all kinds of paperwork, starts talking plans, etc… and then says these 16 words: “Oh, and I should tell you we don’t actually have any more of the phones, though.” Whaaah? Are you NUTS?

Then he looked at ME like I was nuts and said, “Oh yeah, we had tons of people here at 6 o’clock and we ran out of them in about 45 minutes.”

So?…. No….. iPhone?

He said he thought the Cherry Creek AT&T store (you know, the one I stalked earlier) had a few of the 4 gig ones left but that was IT, all across metro Denver.

Seriously? That was IT? My quest for an iPhone ends HERE? In the outlet mall? I let all my peeps down and I go home with NOTHING?

Then he says, “We can order one for you and Apple is filling those orders before they ship anything else.”

How long, I ask. “Can’t tell you.” Steve Jobs is really starting to piss me off!

So, I slap down 600 bucks for a piece of paper that says I *will* get an iPhone *sometime* and trudge back to my car. I call Bryan and make the first of what will be many conciliatory calls to tell him he can’t play with my iPhone that night.

As I am driving home, and aimlessly weave from lane to lane, because – really – life as I knew it is over… I think: What the fuck! I am going to call the Apple Store in the Cherry Creek Mall. You know, just for kicks. I avoided them because I figured there it would be the mayhem to end all mayhem, but it was worth a try, right? And, the other thing I learned at the AT&T store is I never even really needed those bastards anyway, because you buy the phone, hook it up to iTunes and handle getting your AT&T service that way, step by step through the application itself. You don’t even ever need to speak to a stupid cell phone sales dude, ever.

(chirpy happy voice) “Hello! Thank you for calling the Apple Store Cherry Creek!”

(scared, beleaguered voice) “I know this is a silly question, but do you have any iPhones left?”

(very chirpy happy voice!) “Why, sure we do!”

(perking up) “You doooo? Do you have any 8 gigs?”

(very chirpy happy voice!) “Absolutely! We have loads of them! And we are open till midnight!”

(chirpy happy voice) “Thank you very much, Happy Apple Employee!”

So, I walk through the Teen Spirit that *is* the mall at 9:30pm and enter the Apple Store. It’s a sea of black shirts with white Apple Logos. I am not kidding here, people. They must have had every single person who ever worked for that store in place for the iPhone launch, plus borrowed some from the Children’s Place across the way.

“May I purchase an 8 gig iPhone please?”

From the 15 Black Shirts, a lovely little thing emerged to greet me. She actually reminded me of Sizzle in both looks and personality (although I have never actually met Sizzle, just guessing here), so I almost asked her to go get a drink with me afterwards, but I figured Little Miss Happy Black Shirt needed to sell more iPhones before her night was through.

She grabbed a bag all wrapped up and ready to go and had her handy dandy portable cash register, showed me skins (which I bought in clear and pink – a rare cutesy wootsy event for me) and earpieces (which I decided to wait and think about because my brain was too busy freaking out that I WAS HOLDING A FUCKING iPHONE IN MY HANDS)…. I made my purchase in about 5 minutes flat and exited the store. But not before 5 more Black Shirts congratulated me on my way out, making me feel like I was a part of some secret club. Maybe I am hip and cool enough to hang out down here after all!

Then I ran like the wind back to my car, not only because I was so freaking excited – but I was scared to death I would get mugged by people realizing this bag I had with the huge Apple logo on it and the picture of the iPhone, well, that bag actually had an iPhone IN it.

You should have seen the look on Bryan’s face when I walked in carrying that bag.

So we unwrap the thing, ohhhh and ahhhh. Follow the very simple instructions to get the thing activated… AND!

Crash.

Motherfucker!!!

Yes. My iPhone froze the very second we put it into the dock.

But I was calm. That happens, right? I looked and looked through the measly documentation that comes with it for a reset button, couldn’t find it. I downloaded the 120-page Owner’s Manual from the Apple site, could not find the reset button. My theory here is that Steve Jobs does not what us to know that the iPhone does indeed crash from time to time, thus might need a reset button.

I call the Apple Store. It goes straight to voicemail. 10:15pm. It must have switched over at their normal closing hours. But I figure – screw it! I have been everywhere and back tonight – I am going back to those Black Shirts and making them fix my iPhone or give me a new one – DAMN IT!

The Apple Store being the only place open on the mall is an eerie thing. Kind of like my dream version of Night of the Comet.

I walk up to a Black Shirt and tell him of my woes. He takes one look at it… holds the Home and Off button for 6 seconds (note to Joansy!) and poof, iPhone reset! He tells me, “No worries, there was a video about it on the Apple website.” I tromp back out feeling like the biggest idiot on the whole planet. Clearly, there is no way in hell I am cool enough to hang.

I get back home 5 minutes later, and 5 minutes after that I had my iPhone activated! OK, maybe it was more like 10 because AT&T’s servers were completely jammed with everyone else all cross the country doing the exact same thing.

But I got one. And it’s fantastic. We played with it till midnight, when we both passed out with it cradled between us.

I’ll give a feature by feature review later, but until then – here is my first pic taken with it!

Oh, and now I need to get back over to the outlet mall and return my other, imaginary iPhone.