Funny Tweets from January 2015
It’s a new year, let’s get some laughs in. I love following funny people on Twitter and here are some of my favorites from January 2015.
Me: "I better email myself this piece of info in the unlikely event that I forget it." Phone dings. Me: "Ooh, email! Wonder who it's from!"
— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) February 2, 2015
They say not to go to bed angry so what am I supposed to do, never sleep?
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) January 20, 2015
Katy Perry discovered Missy Elliot the way Kanye West discovered Paul McCartney the way Christopher Columbus discovered America.
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 2, 2015
Okay, look, there's a Black History Month because the other 11 ARE White History Months.
— Sir Chris Velazquez (@brilliantorange) January 22, 2015
It's not even 11am yet and I already ate so much gluten that if I sneeze on you, you may be transformed into bread.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) January 23, 2015
Before starfish had a brand manager, they were called ocean asterisks.
— Shari VanderWerf (@shariv67) February 3, 2015
Every selfie you take creates another horcrux
— Cassie Ramoska (@cramoska) January 25, 2015
Just ate one serving of chips. 15 times in a row. Twice.
— Clarke Kant (@clarkekant) January 27, 2015
SKYDIVING INSTRUCTOR: All you need is– JOHN LENNON: –Love! *jumps* INSTRUCTOR: A parachute. All you need is a parachute.
— Ristolable (@Ristolable) January 12, 2015
The only Ghostbusters update that I'm concerned about is whether or not they make the important change to "who you gonna text"
— (maura) (@behindyourback) January 28, 2015
"I have a hole in my pants." "We all do. That's how we get in them."
— one katie please (@katefeetie) January 21, 2015
My kids are trading "Yo Mama" barbs, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they're both insulting the same person
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) February 3, 2015
Koalas eat 10x their body weight every day and everyone calls them adorable, but when I do it it's "disgusting" and "ruining our credit."
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) January 28, 2015
Kids are home sick today. Figure I should do what every mother does when she has sick kids and take them to Target.
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) January 23, 2015
Style guide q: If one gets caught having illicit sex or deflating balls during a natural disaster, is it a -pocalypse, a -gate, or a -ghazi?
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) January 26, 2015
Me: Valentine’s Day is coming up. 4-year-old: Is that the one with Leprechauns? Me: No. 4: Not interested.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 21, 2015
Who are your faves on Twitter?