First of all, happy birthday! Normally at this time, we would be sleepily gathering around the speaker phone to call and sing as off-key to you as possible.
Secondly, we miss you.
It’s been a rough seven months since you passed, both for our family and for the world. I think I only have just started the process of grieving you because there’ve been so many other things to go through along the way. If I am being honest, I have had some anger because of the way your affairs were left and the messes I have had to clean up, but I understand that it was difficult for you to do anything differently. I also feel incredibly lucky to be able to put work on hold while I handle things.
But mostly, we just miss you.
As Dex starts a new school year, I am really feeling the sting of you not being there to hear about his adventures. He’s continuing with choir and Spanish, but has added painting and joined Cross Country. Can you imagine Dex in Cross Country? I couldn’t either, but I’m so proud of him. He’s making new friends and starting to consider colleges. Yeah … college!
I’ve been thinking a lot about your first visit to meet him, when I made you all write letters that will be opened on his 18th birthday. You absolutely hated doing it and I had to keep prodding till you finally sat down with pen and paper towards the end of the trip.
I now chuckle to myself thinking you may have just dashed off a quick note along the lines of, “Your mom made me write this, happy 18th birthday Dex!”
And if that’s all there is, we’ll cherish it. Because we miss you.
One thing that keeps me going right now is how lovely our visits were at the end of your life. Sometimes the hardest of times can be the sweetest. Once, as I walked into your hospital room, you saw me, raised your arms, and exclaimed with a big smile, “you’re back!”
Every time I came back, we talked about something else that needed to be said, and I appreciate that.
But mostly, Mom … I just miss you.