Guten Morgen

A: "Guten Morgen."B: "Guten Morgen, mein liebchen." (pronouncing it "lib-schen")B: (pause) - "or is it leeeb-shen?"A: "yeah, leeeb-shen."B: "I probably just called you a salamander."

Press 1 to kill your husband.

A: ((dials Bryan's extension... ringg ringg))B: ((answers phone)) Hello, thank you for calling Bryan. If you would like speak to Bryan, press 1.A: ((1))B: I'm sorry, all Bryan's are busy right now. If you would like to talk to a horse, press 2.A: ((2))B: Now,…

Hot Potato

A friend asked over the weekend what my favorite Halloween costume of all time was. I told her about how I loved the costumes my mom made for me growing up (she was super handy with needle and thread, a gene that did NOT flow…

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