As I am working through all these dreams I have been having (and there continue to be a lot), I have had this vague sense of anger for the past month. I talked to my therapist about it today and she assured me that it is not uncommon for adults sorting through their childhood traumas to feel this way. To just be fucking angry.
And I’m OK with the anger actually. Its better than the terror that used to come so often. Anger is empowering. But it’s also hard to control.
So I turned to my therapist for help because I feel like Declan is getting the short end of the stick. Sure, he’s been a bit of a pill himself lately too but he’s the last person who should be paying for the crimes of my father from 30 years ago.
How can I work through my anger, not repress it like I have done all these years – but not hurt my very sensitive son in the process? My son who can tell when I am an angerball and is starting to get preemptively twitchy around me?
“Share it with him,” she says.
“Not in the hurling-anger-at-him way of sharing – but just tell Declan openly when you are having a bad day.”
I do that, I tell her.
“Ahhh… But do you make sure to tell him it’s not his fault that you are angry?”