Declan is off school today. Declan is in the office with us today. Declan is in a good mood. Declan is in a very good mood. Declan loves the office. Declan is a chatterbox. Declan is driving us crazy.
It started this morning on the drive to work. Where both Bryan and I were still half asleep. And Mr. Talking At The Speed of Light was in the back seat reading to us from his Wiggles coloring book. You know what is THE single most annoying thing on a long morning commute? Learning about the Wiggles dancing and eating habits. I mean I actually like the Wiggles quite a bit, but when I am fully awake, and certainly not on a dreary Monday morning.
Declan: [From the back seat] Did you know the Wiggles love the Chicken Dance?
Bryan: [Murmuring quietly in the front seat] Of course they do. It’s the stupidest fucking dance ever invented.
Declan: And coooooool! Jeff loves to do the hula dance. And he has all these hula dancers around him!
Aimee: [Also murmuring so only Bryan can hear] That’s because the Wiggles are about to toss them over the side of a volcano in a sacrificial ritual.
Bryan: All the while singing “Big Red Car” and laughing maniacally.
Declan: Now they are all dancing with Dorothy and Henry the Octopus! How many arms does Henry have again? Oh yeah! Eight! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!
Bryan: Remember the episode when Dorothy forgot to take her meds and bit Henry’s head off? That was awesome.
Declan: Now they are all eating skabetty. Skabetty. Sppa… spaaa. Spaghetti. SPAGHETTI. Hey! I can finally say it. SPAGHETTI.
So not only was I tortured by the early morning Wiggles but those fuckers finally taught him to say spaghetti correctly, the one little tongue twister that was so adorable I hoped he would say “skabetty” for the rest of his life.
And oh yeah. Declan is making Darth Colors for every single person in my office right now.