I am about to lose my mind. Thank god school started again this morning. Because December was rough. I was beginning to think some alien creature from Planet Asshole came down and inhabited my son’s body. At the same time, I’ll also try to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was, after all, the month of Christmas, the month of Winter Break, the month of Year End at my company – truly, a time of major upheaval for all of us.
It started with whining. Whining whining whining! What makes him think we will do ANYTHING for him when he is whining? Other than shove my fist down his throat???
Then we moved on to the eye-rolling. And then the sarcasm. And then the ignoring. And then the: “I know better than anyone else on the fucking planet. Planet Asshole, that is. You know, where I come from.”
Yeah, you guessed it, he’s basically me.
And as I told Declan many times during the hideous month of December, it sucks to be me.
I am bossy. I am opinionated. I like everyone to do it my way. I have worked my ass off for 38 years now to stop (curb) acting like this and here is this little upstart 6 year old, bringing up all this crap again.
Poor Bryan. Between the two of us, he doesn’t know whether he is coming or going.
As for me, it’s really hard seeing the worst of yourself being thrown back in your face, like a big mirror overgrown with sludge and slime that you want to keep wiping and wiping at – but you also vaguely remember that the person in the mirror is NOT YOU. He is his own person, allowed to make his OWN MISTAKES. But why would I want him to repeat my pain?
We’ve had many conversations about how his tone might make his friends think he is talking down to them. How sometimes he just has to trust the other person knows better. How he doesn’t have to jump in and try to fix EVERYTHING. Oh, and how he NEEDS TO ANSWER US WHEN WE ASK A QUESTION. Even on Planet Asshole, dude.
I know I shouldn’t complain, seeing as we’ve had such an easy time of it up till now – AND this behavior is him just spreading his wings – A GOOD THING… but it’s just ALSO a heartbreaking thing, that I assume every parent goes through, to watch your child struggle with the very same things you struggled with. The FUNNY thing is Declan isn’t even struggling yet. I am jumping in so far at the beginning of this behavior, I haven’t even let him sink yet.
Clearly I have some work yet to do myself.