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I Am Sick of Stormy-Weather Friends

You have heard of fair-weather friends, right? Where they only hang around when times are good? Well, I have noticed something lately – and I am not sure if it’s the result of reality show programming, or ADD, or the George Bush presidency, or *what* – but why are we becoming a nation of relationship rubberneckers?

I have some people in my life who only pay attention to me or others when something bad is happening. Or do the same crap over and over again, clearly sucking on the drama tit to make sure everyone in the room feels pitifully sorry for them, and pays way too much attention to them. Again.

Now, obviously my life is not drama free – no life is. But I feel lucky, happy, excited, JOYFUL that for the most part my life is good. What is wrong with that? What is wrong with hoping friends will partake in that celebration?

Yes, I realize we are all SO busy these days. I realize NO ONE has time to read, view, comment, star, love, hug and kiss everything I do.

But WHY is the drama more important than the joy? Perhaps it is a bit of crisis-mode, the feeling of putting band-aids on relationships when people really need them.

But the balloon that is seemingly floating along on a breeze is just as easily popped as well.

This article has 38 comments

  1. Kelly

    I am much more likely to comment on stuff that makes me smile than on stuff that makes me angry or sad. I like to leave this 😉

  2. Sizzle

    I know some people like this. I feel rather sorry for them actually that they follow drama around or feed off of it.

    I really like the look of the site! I don’t know when you changed it. I’ve been bad about commenting but always read in my Reader.

    xo

  3. Pgoodness

    “sucking on the drama tit” could be the best phrase ever. I’m always around for the bad times, but I LOVE the good happy times!!!

    I don’t get all the drama – life’s too short.

  4. Mamma

    I know exactly what you mean. I know we all get busy and don’t always get the chance to tell the people around us how important they are to us when everything is fine. And yes it is good when people do rally in a crisis, but are we all willing to take the chance that it will be too late when we finally get around to letting someone know how much they mean to us?

    LOVE the new look. I’m hoping to have one soon–but I said that in July. 🙁 At least my money went to a good cause.

  5. fruitlady

    Some people thrive on drama. I have discovered that. When I have drama I basically retreat, withdraw and hermitize myself until I feel it is safe to come out again. I only let a few friends in on the big stuff. What trips me out are the people that live out their drama on Facebook. That’s not to say that I am not there in support of my friends when they need me in their times of drama, but I have mitigated my life of the people who don’t have happiness to give when the drama is over.

    I actually am way more into my friends when I feel I have something positive to share with them. I hate to feel like a burden to people. I like to share the happiness that I normally feel. I too am full of joy and mostly feel really blessed.

    Keep rolling with the good ones and just let those other ones go.

  6. Kim Hosey

    Did you know someone actually coined a term for the drama-tit-suckers? Sad, that it’s prevalent enough for that.

    You’re so right. I gripe sometimes, but for the most part it’s the self-effacing “look what dumbass thing I got myself into today” brand. And I really can’t muster negativity for long, or abide those who seem to love it so much. I don’t know when being down on everything became so cool.

    (My husband says it was always considered cool. Maybe that’s why we’re so uncool.)

    I love your upbeat outlook!

  7. amy turn sharp of doobleh-vay

    yes- I wish we lived closer- geographical fate I wish. I am true blue over you

  8. Julie @ The Mom Slant

    You know I’m right there with you. Have been since the good old WMR/PIM days.

  9. WILLIAM

    Sucking the Drama Tit..I love it.

  10. Amy @ Taste Like Crazy

    YES! I’ve been thinking about this for the past couple of months regarding folks on the interwebs and the “Münchausen by Internet ” link from Kim at the top is freakin’ perfect.

    I have a frenemy who only shows up when her life is in the crapper…I think it makes her feel important to have a reason to get attention.

    Drama, for some people, is like crack. Gotta get that next fix.

    People are weird.

  11. Anonymous

    I really loved the balloon analogy. So true! – m

  12. Marge

    Lately when I’m with a group of people I notice that I feel strange because I don’t have a laundry list of complaints. And I sometimes feel guilty saying that things are going good for me. I’m with Fruitlady, I’m inspired by the people that are positive and the rest I can usually do without (family is another story entirely – ugh). Thanks Aimee for saying out loud what so many of us are thinking.

  13. Tree

    I love you, Aimee!

  14. Naomi Mimi

    no drama. i know for me it is hard to know the balance of reaching out to people, being a friend but also being consistent and appropriate.

    i like it when i read things like this – cause to stop, think and see if i’m being a drama boob 🙂

  15. Anonymous

    And it’s because of the Bush presidency, how?

  16. Bobbi

    I actively have been walking away from the drama (in life and on the internet) and feel much more centered for it.

  17. monstergirlee

    We used to say “I smell Burning Martyr” about my Mom’s friend because she was always in drama/crisis mode and she wanted you to live it with her. Enough already.

    I see what you’re talking about, and it gets pretty old. I hope I’m here to celebrate the minutia as well as the Big fun too. And commiserate when needed.
    kiss kiss!

  18. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Thanks you all, for your friendship and insightful comments. xo

    And Anonymous, it’s so funny. I go back and forth about allowing Anonymous comments here. There are many friends who say they use it all the time and ask me *not* to get rid of it… but … sigh. To answer your question even though I shouldn’t – I WAS JOKING.

  19. monstergirlee

    Re: Anonymous comment, if a regular reader leaves an anonymous message – you can figure it out with their IP address on site meter.

    btw – EVERYthing is bush’s fault. 😉

  20. zipper

    You are so spot on with this Aimee. WTF is going on when all this reality drama is more important than the good stuff?

  21. Chris

    I agree 100% Aimee, it seems to becoming that way at work as well. And BTW, did you hear what so and so said about so and so. I mean, wow!!

  22. Logical Libby

    Amen. I had a friend who used to call me daily when I was going through fertility treatments, just telling me “how bad” she felt for me. Of course, now that I have a beautiful daughter she has lost all interest…

    Ack!

  23. Melissa

    I have some serious experience in this vicinity. Family and friends. Oy. My theory is that they use the drama to ‘feel’ alive or give their lives meaning because they don’t have anything to define themselves with. They aren’t happy unless they are in the midst of a mess or causing a mess. My mom, god love her, does this when she gets bored. Her children have to remind her that she has these great things called ‘HOBBIES’ to pursue. I have also noticed that in blogland, the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so to speak. I prefer to celebrate the beauty of everyday life. You blog, funny stories, gorgeous photos, etc., makes me happy. 😀

  24. highfiredanger

    Well-said. I get this, too–there’s so much take, and little to no give with these people.

    I feel sad for them mostly, that they lack the adequate social skills to maintain balanced friendships to the extent that they have to hunt acquaintances down and bait them with tales of woe, pretended and real.

  25. emmajames

    I get where you are coming from, and kudos for voicing your frustration.

    In answer to the question, assuming it wasn’t rhetorically, I think people are drawn to stormy weather because they like feeling needed and useful. Yes, there are the drama addicts. Yes, Needing to feel needed may indicate some issues best addressed on a therapy couch or something. But I do think sometimes people don’t know how to be of use or what role to take when we are happy or contented. Sad, but real.

    Someday, someone’s going to teach a class on how to accept joy. Or actually, there probably already is one. And it probably changes nothing. Being comfortable with joy, one’s own and others, is a choice. Too bad more people don’t realize what a great one it is.

  26. Anonymous

    ((hugs)) I dont’ always leave comments, but don’t get rid of the Anonymous feature yet! I don’t blog! Have a good weekend and think about us getting 2 feet of snow tomorrow. You know how people get in MD….CRAZY!! lol
    Diane

  27. Anonymous

    Dear Author http://www.greeblemonkey.com !
    It is a pity, that now I can not express – it is very occupied. I will return – I will necessarily express the opinion on this question.

  28. Angela

    Please don’t take away the Anonymous option! I like posting here without having to sign up for a bunch of stuff!

    And as for stormy-weather friends, I so get what you are saying!

  29. Becky (aka Ms Batman)

    I wrote a post similar to this, about how people become defined by their illness/drama. I think we get sucked in because Hey, their life is more effed up than mine so I can’t be that bad.
    Drama Queens seek the attention because if they can be the center of attention, they can find some self worth that the drama has ‘sucked out of them’ (in their own mind).

    Thanks for this post. I have worked hard to write more TBS(that’s funny) posts, and fewer TNT (we love drama) posts.

  30. Becky (aka Ms Batman)

    I wrote a post similar to this, about how people become defined by their illness/drama. I think we get sucked in because Hey, their life is more effed up than mine so I can’t be that bad.
    Drama Queens seek the attention because if they can be the center of attention, they can find some self worth that the drama has ‘sucked out of them’ (in their own mind).

    Thanks for this post. I have worked hard to write more TBS(that’s funny) posts, and fewer TNT (we love drama) posts.

  31. Becky (aka Ms Batman)

    I wrote a post similar to this, about how people become defined by their illness/drama. I think we get sucked in because Hey, their life is more effed up than mine so I can’t be that bad.
    Drama Queens seek the attention because if they can be the center of attention, they can find some self worth that the drama has ‘sucked out of them’ (in their own mind).

    Thanks for this post. I have worked hard to write more TBS(that’s funny) posts, and fewer TNT (we love drama) posts.

  32. Becky (aka Ms Batman)

    I wrote a post similar to this, about how people become defined by their illness/drama. I think we get sucked in because Hey, their life is more effed up than mine so I can’t be that bad.
    Drama Queens seek the attention because if they can be the center of attention, they can find some self worth that the drama has ‘sucked out of them’ (in their own mind).

    Thanks for this post. I have worked hard to write more TBS(that’s funny) posts, and fewer TNT (we love drama) posts.

  33. Laurie

    I understand. It happens in real life and is writ larger on the Internet I think because we’re all in touch with so many people through blogging and Twitter. I saw an alleged grown-up get rewarded IRL for the most ridiculous behavior this week and I just had to shake my head and know that if I was willing to act as ridiculous as she did, maybe I would have (literally) won the prize too. But I’m not. I’m just not. I have other flaws but that’s not one of them.

    I struggle with what I see as misplaced attention and priorities online sometimes and I sometimes wonder if people really support it like they seem to or they just go along with whatever crowd happens to be involved. I’ve never fit in very well with any kind of hierarchy or social strata or whatever you call it so I don’t really stick around long in anything like that.

    I honestly believe though – and this is a lot harder for me to keep this in mind than it sounds – that if we are genuine with our words and actions we will attract (and repel, haha) the right kinds of people for us, the people who are meant to be in our lives. And that is a true quality over quantity issue, as I know you know.

    The people who really need it – and need it specifically from me – will get it and I hope that it’s a golden rule sort of thing, because I think I know who I can count on too.

    The drama can suck it. 🙂

  34. Laurie

    Oh and that’s really just a long-ass way of saying the world should pipe down and star my pictures! I’m serious! 😉

  35. Jen

    Ditto what others said. Totally agree.

  36. Ashleigh

    Great post. I can totally relate.

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