Bryan is the funny one. He makes Declan, me, all the other kids, everyone laugh. When Declan wants to wrestle, he goes to his Dad. Goofing off and giggling means Daddytime.
Not that he and I don’t laugh. Or have fun. It’s just not my “thing.”
Declan wants me when he is sick, or especially when he wants to talk through something. I get asked about sex. I get asked about relationships. I get asked about feeeellllinnngs.
Not that he can’t talk to his Dad in a serious way – it just usually degrades into fart jokes at some point.
I once worried over this with my therapist. That he wouldn’t remember me as being “fun” to be around. She reminded me that he probably would remember both of us laying on his pillow and whispering about all those feeeellllinnngs… but more importantly, she told me something I have tucked away to help me cope when I feel inadequate as a parent.
“You don’t have to be all things to him.”
Every person in our lives brings something different and special to our children. And me? I don’t HAVE to be the funny one – although I do enjoy a good giggle with my son now and then.
So maybe it’s OK that I am there to balance the fun, and listen to the life stories.
But when we do giggle, it’s even more special.