Breaking My Back

I feel like I am turning into such a complainer. But seriously – how much more can one family handle? There is such pressure on us from to many sides, I feel like if I take one step in any direction, the house of cards will crumble.

I know so many others feel this way too.

I know so many others have it way worse than me.

It doesn’t help that my evil ear continues to plague me.

Remember how I had my eardrum reconstructed in September? Like, the whole thing? And how he said it would be 6-8 weeks of recovery?

He wasn’t kidding.

During that whole time, I couldn’t bend over because of the pressure to my head. Guess what happens to your back when you don’t bend over?

It really, really, really, hates on you.

Specifically, your piriformis muscle puts a choke hold on your sciatic nerve and you can’t walk. Well, maybe you can walk, but you walk funny and your 9 year old makes fun of you.

And you go to urgent care. And you think about how jacked up your insurance is going to be in the new year. And you think about the pressure your husband is under at work. And wonder why your child is acting out in new ways, although you actually do know what he is doing – cause he feels all the strain too – right? And you still can’t walk, or sit, or stand, but you have to work, because there is so much to do, not to mention all the laundry. And oh yeah, let’s not forget the really selfish people in your life who do crazy ass shit that you just can’t believe, but they’ll never change so what’s the point? And then you remind yourself yet again, about all the people who struggle so much harder than you do, every day, but OMG your back still feels like it was crushed by a backhoe, and you wonder if you are ever going to be healthy again, ever, and mainly you are just sick of complaining, so STOP.

STOP.

BREATHE.

It’s going to be OK.

Right?

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This article has 23 comments

  1. monstergirlee

    Kisses, hugs, prayers, and if I lived anywhere nearyby I’d be over to fold your laundry instead of mine.
    I’m sorry Hon.

  2. sally

    Girl. Can I cook you guys dinner? Do your laundry? Seriously. Let me know.

  3. Vincent | @CuteMonsterDad

    As you mentioned…breathe. Each day can be its own little victory. You will get better. Remember to give yourself a break too. Schedule them if you have to but put it in stone.

    Feel better.

  4. zipper

    Chin up girl! You got this!

  5. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    OMG you guys making me cry. It’s helpful just knowing you are there.

    And I should have been more clear my back def getting better. You should see me doing my stretches and lunges around the house. #riot

  6. Sarah G.

    I am so sorry to hear about the ear recovery! I have never had ear pain, but I am feeling the effects of an old body giving up compensating for an ancient injury. I have debilitating pain that travels between just right of my butt bone, to my hip, then down my leg—calf on fire, foot numb. It is a trial and the pain is most intense at night, when I lie down. Sleepless nights. I often wake up with tears on my face, from the pain bothering me when I’m asleep.

    That plus my lame pancreas is a lot of stress. NO insurance, it’s prohibitively expensive here is Lowsyana. It is a scary thing to wake up in the middle of the night, facing future side effects of this crappy crap disease with no insurance, not able to take many of the medications available to me because of a fear over kidney disease.

    I can truly empathize with you and weep when you weep—and laugh when you laugh. Pain makes you crazy. Sometimes I feel like I’ve lost myself in the mess!

    But you know what? In the morning, you find that you’ve awakened. You don’t wake up dead. You wake up alive. And so you have another day, and you can do your best to enjoy it and love everything you have in spite of all the crap.

    Take deep breaths . . . one foot in front of the other, one day at a time. 🙂

  7. zenrain

    i’m so sorry… i wish i could help…hugs to you xoxo

  8. Anonymous

    It will be OK Aimee – you are right – breathe. – m

  9. jenB

    I would also be right over with a lasagne if I lived next door. Complain away. Things sound sucky. The rose coloured glasses thing doesn’t help when you are struggling. Acknowledge and breathe. You can do both. Much love to you.

  10. Liz

    OMG. Switch out a couple of specifics and this is me right now. Balanced on a tight rope and wondering when it’s all going to crash. Hey, my 2 year old finally fell asleep, life is good for the next hour. One hour at a time, right?

  11. Sam

    Yes, what Sally said. Lean on us, when you’re not strong, we’ll be your friends, we’ll help you carry on.

    Bill Withers said it better, but it’s the idea, yeah.

    How can we help?

  12. Kath

    Oh yeah…totally hear you on the whole ‘walking funny’ thing. TOTALLY HEAR YOU!

    Know what? My back is FINE! And I LOVE doing laundry. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

    So when can I come over to indulge my love of doing laundry? I’m serious…so totally serious.

    I can be at your house by 2pm tomorrow. For reals. See you then!

  13. Kim @ This Belle Rocks

    Aimee, I truly hope things look up for you and your family soon. The ear and back thing sounds like a horrible ordeal. I could not do it, so my hat’s off to you.

  14. Kim @ This Belle Rocks

    Aimee, I truly hope things look up for you and your family soon. The ear and back thing sounds like a horrible ordeal. I could not do it, so my hat’s off to you.

  15. Kim @ This Belle Rocks

    Aimee, I truly hope things look up for you and your family soon. The ear and back thing sounds like a horrible ordeal. I could not do it, so my hat’s off to you.

  16. Chelsea

    So so sorry Aimee!! I am the queen of physical pain and back pain sucks.. I know how awful you feel, How hard it is to comcentrate on anything else…
    But I’m sending you super powerful healing thoughts and de-stress vibes. Can you feel them working yet? Love and miss you tons.

  17. Chelsea

    So so sorry Aimee!! I am the queen of physical pain and back pain sucks.. I know how awful you feel, How hard it is to comcentrate on anything else…
    But I’m sending you super powerful healing thoughts and de-stress vibes. Can you feel them working yet? Love and miss you tons. And you aren’t sounding like a complainer at all.

  18. amydubois1

    Ugh-been there. That kind of sciatic pain is THE WORST. And the selfish people harshing your mellow. And the 4th grader acting out. So…they all said it already. Let us who care about you help. Dex can come play with Jonas-video games & Legos? I’ve got a 22 lb turkey and only 6 people for Tgiving…want to come to Boulder(Louisville)? Bring your laundry! Feel better soon!

  19. Daria @ Mom in Management

    Someone once told me to surrender to life. For some reason that word “surrender” really worked for me. Life will happen. The goods, the bads, the in betweens. Just surrender and let the current take you where it may. It helps. Then of course I sit up, kick ass, and say nuh-uh, I”m changing this part! So surrender to some of it and change what you can.

    Here’s to hoping you feel better soon…

  20. Suzanne

    Hang in there. I’m in a somewhat similar situation (though substitute ear for oversized brain) and counting the days until this semester is over and I don’t feel such tremendous pressure.

    So, you can’t bend over, but can you sit in a chair, upright, and move your legs in such a way that you get the same effect of bending your back without putting pressure on the eardrum?

    Just don’t do this when the child can make fun of the effort, because I’m sure it’d look more humorous than a hobbling (ow) momma.

    If you were nearby, I’d be part of the cooking brigade…

  21. Schmutzie

    Because I know what it’s like to have an avalanche of health issues (2007 was just fantastic for that), I can assure you that this WILL get better.

    I’m mentally kicking the selfish people for you 🙂

  22. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Your support is always amazing. Thank you all so much. xoxo

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