It Was Only A MatterOf Time
Dex got an email yesterday, an email we haven’t had a chance to discuss yet. An email from a friend of his, teasing him about something I wrote about him on this blog, a long time ago. Something taken out of context, particularly given the inexperience of these kids online at 10 years old.
But it raises a point.
Even though I am totally fine with what I have written in the past – otherwise I would not have posted it – but now that Dex is growing up… it changes the dymnamics of everything.
When our kids where younger, there was so much conversation regarding mommy bloggers using and abusing their children online, but honestly – I poo-pooed it. At that time, the stories were part of our collective family history.
But as Dex has gotten older, I have held stories back – knowing that they are now more his than mine.
But what about the stories from the past, that his friends can find at a click or a button, that he may now want burried.
I think he and I need to look at them together and talk about it.
What do you think?
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I don’t know these answers. At all.
I think you’re right on the money, Aimee, by sitting down and going through the archives together and offering him some ownership in them. But even without blogs and archived stories, there will always be kids who find a way to tease and bully others. This should be the main crux of your conversation…handing over the ammunition or not, how does one deal with bullying?
Great points, everyone!
And while it wasn’t a bullying incident, just a friend teasing another… it could definitely easily go there as well.
I bet that is so hard!
Gah! I’m just kind of waiting for a blog post to come back and bite me. We can’t really predict which one their friends might jump on. I wrote a post about allowing my daughter to use the bathroom outside when she was 2. She was a baby so it was a funny story…but will they take that and run with it? Call her poopy pants in high school? I have no idea.
Going through the posts you think he might POSSIBLY have a problem with might be a good idea!
I agree. I don’t share a whole lot about my kids online much unless it is family related types of activities. Even though my kids say really funny things, unless it is okay with them, I am not much for using my blog to share about them. I know they are coming into their own and I can keep those things to myself. I would want someone to do that for me.
Yes, this is exactly why I don’t post pictures of my kids online for all to see anymore.
We had an incident a couple of years ago, where pictures of my daughter were being used, actually pictures of the whole family, for a fake profile.
Quite disturbing, read the whole story!
This is why we decided that the kids pictures are theirs, and when they can’t decide to give approval for publication, we won’t publish it!
But with stories, it’s quite complicated, especially as you mentioned, it’s the families collective history.
Where I think there is an even better lesson here, why is a boy sending an email to tease. What can you do to reach out to the boy, and have him realize bullying is not ok.
So interesting. I’m guessing there’s a spectrum. The teen years are so full of individuation challenges. I think for some that goes easy–they know they are separate individuals, and the way a parent defined them or shared them online won’t matter. Others won’t want it at all. Maybe because they don’t want others to consume those stories, or maybe just for their own sense of developing self, or maybe because if digital footprint issues. Talking about it with him will lead the way.
So interesting. I’m guessing there’s a spectrum. The teen years are so full of individuation challenges. I think for some that goes easy–they know they are separate individuals, and the way a parent defined them or shared them online won’t matter. Others won’t want it at all. Maybe because they don’t want others to consume those stories, or maybe just for their own sense of developing self, or maybe because if digital footprint issues. Talking about it with him will lead the way.
Ugh. Can you just tell me the answer… I’ve moved toward saying my 7YO rather than listing their names, but it’s still Out There.
Here’s one I’m not looking forward to…gah. Thanks for tackling the big questions.
Love that you are writing about this. I was just asked to participate in a series about childhood. They asked that I write about age 8. All three of my daughters (4,6,8) have grown up knowing that I write about them. My oldest is entering into a very sensitive, needing privacy stage. I spoke with her about blogging and she has expressed that it makes her feel proud that I choose to write about her.
I loved listening to her and was genuinely ready for whatever she decided.
I know that she and I will continue to talk and have these check ins.
It’s interesting too, the way that the process of them growing up challenges us to begin to see ourselves and our worlds a little differently. In some ways maybe it helps extricate from the early days of waxing euphoric on every little thing.
Good luck