Here is the latest collection of fun (and funny) tweets from some of my favorite people on Twitter. Enjoy!
My Halloween costume is me violently coughing on everybody.
— Chris Velazquez (@brilliantorange) October 24, 2014
5yo: I'm angry! Me: I know 5: I don't like it when you say that! Me: Ok 5: I don't like that either! Me: 5: Why aren't you talking to me?!
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) October 25, 2014
The only thing I've ever "taken to the next level" is an escalator.
— ruthakers (@ruthakers) October 11, 2014
I'm really sick of all these Attractive-Americans exploiting their Hot Privilege.
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) October 16, 2014
Friday the 13th movies are scary because they remind me that some people actually go camping on purpose
— Eliza Bayne (@ElizaBayne) October 14, 2014
More scared of my parents than ISIS.
— Ghoul Mortis (@JillMorris) October 22, 2014
Saw Gone Girl and thoroughly missed seeing Ben Affleck’s penis. Now I know how Matt Damons felt for the last fifteen years. 🙁
— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) October 7, 2014
My cell phone photography exhibit titled "Inside pant pockets" opens at the end of the month
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) October 10, 2014
Comparing pet ownership to parenting is like saying ownership of a cat is like lion taming.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) October 3, 2014
My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) October 9, 2014
“Any flavor but potato!” – Chips
— Joel Ingersoll (@FlyoverJoel) October 15, 2014
People who refuse to stay put: Puppies, toddlers, and Americans under Ebola quarantine.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 18, 2014
Couldn't get myself to smile in a selfie so I jingled my keys.
— Andy Pitz (@AndyPitz) October 25, 2014
If the apocalypse is anything like airplane deboarding I'm giving up right now
— Cassie Ramoska (@cramoska) October 19, 2014
For Halloween you should go as someone who actually does his job. That would be a real costume for you.
— Meeting Boy (@MeetingBoy) October 23, 2014
The winner of the relationship is the first one to go "here, hold this."
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) October 7, 2014
It's my duty as a parent to make sure my kids look natural in pictures and not like freakish fake-smiling murdery clowns.
— Pauly Miller (@Pauly_Miller) October 14, 2014
Sneezed and hit my head on the glass of water on my desk and now have an odd mixture of snot and water all over everything. Happy Monday!
— Chris Charpentier (@charpiecomedy) October 6, 2014