One of my favorite things about Twitter is the funny people. They have been on fire this week celebrating Halloween. Follow these hilarious humor tweeters and… ENJOY!
I’ve liked all your Halloween pics on Facebook. I’m a good friend. Now fuck off until Christmas.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) November 1, 2015
Halloween: Hey kids, you know how I tell you to never talk to strangers or take candy from strangers? Well we’re going to do both all night!
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) October 31, 2015
Halloween won’t end until the girl dressed as slutty Wonder Woman crying at this CVS pharmacy gets her prescription
— Matt Oswalt (@puddinstrip) November 1, 2015
Halloween is my favorite holiday because it has everything the GOP hates: 1. Hand outs 2. People in drag 3. Joy
— Gladstone (@WGladstone) October 31, 2015
How to avoid razors in Halloween treats: immediately throw away all fruit like the garbage that it is.
— Zeke Herrera (@Baconarchist) October 30, 2015
In lieu of candy for Halloween, I’m going to hand out personalized notes to each child explaining why their costumes are problematic.
— Nick Stadler (@Nickadoo) October 31, 2015
My Halloween decorations are still down from when I didn’t bother to put them up last year.
— JerryThomas (@JerryThomas) November 1, 2015
Make America great again: hand out Adderall instead of candy.
— Adam Wilson (@theleanover) October 31, 2015
I pretended my dog liked her costume. She pretended not to understand about the extra hour of sleep we could’ve had.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) November 1, 2015
Next year, I’m going to trick or treat with a red solo cup & go up to each house to see if they’ll fill it. Who’s with me?
— charliecapen (@charliecapen) November 1, 2015
They should make fun size Halloween insulin injections.
— Warren Holstein (@WarrenHolstein) October 31, 2015
Just corrected some kid who called “Thriller” the “skeleton song.” Ugh. No. Shame on your whack ass parents for not teaching you better.
— TokenSuperhero (@MarcusTheToken) November 1, 2015
I hope you guys are okay?! There are monsters and zombies everywhere! They’re smaller than you’d think though. I just stabbed 6 in my yard
— Dirt McTurd (@DirtMcTurd) November 1, 2014
So far, most of the trick or treaters have been collecting money on behalf of a single-digit polling presidential candidate. How considerate
— Mark Campbell (@MrWordsWorth) October 31, 2015
“Can my son, Thayden, have a Snickers.” “Sir, that’s your dog.” “Thayden’s in a dog costume.” “Clearly a dog.” “STOP BULLYING THAYDEN!”
— Rex Huppke (@RexHuppke) November 1, 2015
Happy Halloween or as retailers call it, Christmas Eve.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 31, 2015