Note from Aimee: I lifted this from my husband’s Facebook page. Yes, I am a thief.
Dog: Hey there! Great to see ya! Ooooo, you look tired. Wanna pet me? *lick lick* I love you! You smell nice! Like a heaven cake. With angel sprinkles too! That’s you. I love you. I just want to lick you! *lick lick* How was your day?
Me: Thanks, I’m tired. Feeling sick, but had a ton to do so had to work hard all day. Good to be done. Now I can relax. How about you?
D: My day was great! I got up, got to see you. Then we walked for a while. I love walking with you. We saw a CAT! Then we got back and I ate. That was good. Then I took a long nap, oh did that feel good. *lick lick* Then I got up, shit all over the living room, then took another nap. I had no idea I was so tired. Then I went out in the yard for a while. There was a SQUIRREL. I can’t catch them because they are fast. And now you are back, so this is AWESOME! *lick lick* I love this day! I love you!
M: Hang on. Back to that part in the middle…
D: The nap?
D: The cat?
D: Which part?
M: Shitting all over the living room.
D: Oh yeah. Did that earlier. Pee’d too. *lick lick* Then I took my second nap and –
M: Stop. Our living room?
D: Well, yeah. It’d be stupid to go shit in someone else’s living room. I could just go outside on the way over and save the effort. *lick lick* My hips are hurting me lately, so I don’t want to go that far.
M: But you shit in our living room.
D: All over.
D: Pee’d too.
D: So you wanna sit down so you can pet me? *lick lick* I can lick you while you are sitting. I love you!
M: Not really. I’m a little ticked off right now.
D: I know. You said you had a long day. I’m here for you now. *lick lick* Do you want to talk about it while you pet me?
M: No! I’m ticked at you.
D: MEEEEE??? Oh no why??? Oh please tell me what I did and I will make it right. *lick lick* Please oh please.
M: YOU SHIT ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM
D: … and …
D: Oh, you’re ticked about that! But it’s ok! I cleaned it up! *lick lick*
D: Sure, all good now. *lick lick* All good. I love you!
M: There’s still shit and piss in there.
D: No there’s not. I cleaned it. There was a lot more.
M: More? Than what is there now? You cleaned some up.
D: Oh sure. Lots more. *lick lick* You smell nice.
M: But you didn’t clean it all?
D: Oh no. I couldn’t do that.
M: Why not?
D: I’m full.