"Merry Fucking Christmas"

Isn't a picture worth a thousand words?This photo is the result of a fairly painful photo session in the tub - wherein I thought it would be cute to mimic a holiday card I saw last year, with the kids had shaving cream beards and…

Guten Morgen

A: "Guten Morgen."B: "Guten Morgen, mein liebchen." (pronouncing it "lib-schen")B: (pause) - "or is it leeeb-shen?"A: "yeah, leeeb-shen."B: "I probably just called you a salamander."

Press 1 to kill your husband.

A: ((dials Bryan's extension... ringg ringg))B: ((answers phone)) Hello, thank you for calling Bryan. If you would like speak to Bryan, press 1.A: ((1))B: I'm sorry, all Bryan's are busy right now. If you would like to talk to a horse, press 2.A: ((2))B: Now,…