Funny Tweets from November, Thanksgiving & Black Friday

Doing that ninja exercise where you punch water, only instead of water I'm using gravy, and instead of my fists, I'm using my tongue.

— J. Sager Weinstein (@jacobsw) November 28, 2014

I'm thankful I didn't have to find out which family member brought the bottle of Ménage a Trois wine to Thanksgiving dinner.

— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 28, 2014

"I don't think I'm going to make it to #SideboobSunday, you guys," he moaned from the La-Z-boy, cradling a distended, gravy-filled stomach.

— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) November 28, 2014

The only CGI in Star Wars The Force Awakens will be used to close Harrison Ford's earring hole.

— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 28, 2014

I hate driving someone else's car cause I don't know where they put their boogers.

— ReeseButCallMeV (@ReeseButCallMeV) November 19, 2014

There is nothing on my mom's phone that she won't try to pinch + zoom in on.

— Sean Brewster (@TheSeanBrewster) November 26, 2014

Thanksgiving scene: I heard "Ann is so well behaved!" (sat up tall, proud in chair). What was said "Ian is so well behaved!" (Ian, the dog).

— Ann Imig (@annsrants) November 28, 2014

*comes out of bathroom* haha they should call it Brown Friday. So are you folks ready to order?

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) November 28, 2014

hey guys, every website I've ever had to create a login for is having a Black Friday sale, just thought u should know

— Al Shipley (@alshipley) November 28, 2014

I think I was about 7 when my grandpa said to me, "Never turn your back on the ocean," and I was like, um, so how do we get off this beach?

— Nick Arvin (@NickArvin) November 21, 2014

My Thanksgiving wish is that every time someone says they ate so much they're going to explode, they actually do.

— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) November 27, 2014

… eh, better than nothing. – guy who wiped his wet hands on the empty paper towel roll.

— Paul Danke (@pauldanke) November 27, 2014

How much would it cost me to have Neil deGrasse Tyson over for Thanksgiving next year? Need to put some family members in their place.

— Steve Amiri (@SteveAmiri) November 28, 2014

If those who woke up at 4am for Black Friday were disciplined enough to wake up at 4am every day they wouldn't need to shop on Black Friday.

— Eric I (@ericicomedy) November 28, 2014

"Look at these idiots losing it over Black Friday deals," she scoffed as she swallowed a pumpkin pie whole with her morning coffee.

— Erica (@SCbchbum) November 28, 2014

I love this time of year, when artificially flavored pumpkin novelty drinks give way to artificially flavored peppermint novelty drinks.

— David Waghalter (@dwaghalter) November 23, 2014

Don't worry about people laughing at you because you're different, instead laugh at them because they're the same as everyone else.

— Becca Marshal (@Mua87Becca) November 28, 2014