Doing that ninja exercise where you punch water, only instead of water I'm using gravy, and instead of my fists, I'm using my tongue.— J. Sager Weinstein (@jacobsw) November 28, 2014
I'm thankful I didn't have to find out which family member brought the bottle of Ménage a Trois wine to Thanksgiving dinner.— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 28, 2014
"I don't think I'm going to make it to #SideboobSunday, you guys," he moaned from the La-Z-boy, cradling a distended, gravy-filled stomach.— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) November 28, 2014
The only CGI in Star Wars The Force Awakens will be used to close Harrison Ford's earring hole.— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 28, 2014
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When someone asks you to take a picture of their group, see how far you can back up with their phone before they say something. — Matt Fernandez (@FattMernandez) September 26, 2014
Not trying to be overdramatic here but goodbye *life as I know it. *My three year old dropped his nap. — Melissa Sher (@thismelissasher) September 23, 2014
When in doubt, yank the cord out. This summarizes my computer repair skills. — Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) September 18, 2014