Press 1 to kill your husband.

A: ((dials Bryan’s extension… ringg ringg))

B: ((answers phone)) Hello, thank you for calling Bryan. If you would like speak to Bryan, press 1.

A: ((1))

B: I’m sorry, all Bryan’s are busy right now. If you would like to talk to a horse, press 2.

A: ((2))

B: Now, if you would like to speak to a horse in Spanish, press uno. Or, if you would like to speak to a German horse, press zwei.

A: ((2))

B: I am sorry, the German horse has been put out to pasture.

A: ((presses buttons all over the phone and holds them for annoyingly long periods of time))

B: I am sorry, I did not understand your selection. Please try again.

A: ((forgets what she called about and hangs up))

Greeblehaus is a Denver-based music and travel blog sharing concert photography, reviews, and stories from live music across Colorado and beyond. You can find more upcoming shows in our Denver concert calendar.