Lunch Chat 7: Emotional Chopping

OK, here we go again. Another video blog, and hasta la vista into the weekend. Do you have any toxic relationships? How do you handle it?

I am having more and more fun with these. Can you tell?

This article has 20 comments

  1. Anonymous

    I loved that! I emotionally chop like every 2 years – m


    This is a great topic, Aimee! I’m struggling with what to do with toxic relatives. Thankfully, we are separated by physical distance, but I’m struggling. I have an idea in my head about what mother-daughter and sister-sister relationships are “supposed” to be, and when the reality doesn’t match that definition, I’m at a loss. Without going into many details, my own mother has successfully pitted her children against each other, and I don’t want to play that game.

    But, because I still talk to the target of this whole mess, I’ve essentially “chosen sides.” Now, they are trying to “punish” me. (The passive aggressiveness has actually reached a comical point, so at least I can laugh at it sometimes…)


    The whole thing makes me sad. It’s not what I want. It’s not something I want my own daughter to see. I’m just trying to find a way to gracefully step out of this mess.



  3. Meghann

    Well this was a timely post. Excuse me while I vomit my feelings all over your comments section.

    My husband, when he deployed to Iraq the first time, had this roommate, who was a little “off”, and annoyed the heck out of him by the time the deployment was over. Meanwhile, I was bonding with the guy’s wife, because we were both going through our mothers dying of cervical cancer. (they died within weeks of each other). The guys got home, and we kept up with them some, but then the other guy got out of the Army, and we drifted apart.

    We met up with them again about a year later. They were in town and wanted to hang out. So we did, and were surprised at how bitter they were over the whole deployment thing. We were too, but we were trying to heal from it, and hanging around other bitter people does not facilitate that.

    Eventually we moved here, out of state, and we haven’t seen them in a year or two. But recently, they friended us on Facebook. I accepted, because I know they have had struggles, and don’t have many friends. I try to be nice to people like that, so they at least have someone, ya know?

    Well, I think after today I may be ready to chop them out for good. They are Christian, and they know I am too. Yet they basically told me that by enjoying Harry Potter movies, my soul is going to be corrupted and I’ll go to hell. (and then they wonder why people think us Christians are whack jobs)

    So yeah, I think it’s time to cut those ties and move on.

  4. Leslie

    Good for you having the clarity and guts to chop! I have some people that are attempting to reconnect with me online that I have previously chopped out of my life. I’ve been ignoring their friend requests, etc but haven’t found the right words or method yet for how to be straight-up (or as straight-up as I need to be) with them. With this veil of transparency that we enter into with a public life, to whatever degree we open up in social media, it leaves us more exposed in alot of ways. Open to potential dagger-throwers and potential new best friends, and everything in between. I think being preemptive is the key, when possible. But in some cases that person is already in your life. This is a subject that I think many people encounter. Thx for sharing.

  5. jennifer

    This is coincidental and funny and not ha ha funny. I have an uncle, my dad’s brother, who I have always disliked. Let’s say even hated. He was not a good man, an asshole, mean mean mean, to everyone. He was not invited to my wedding and I have avoiding seeing him for almost 20 years. Coincidentally to your post, he died on Tuesday. I am not sad. I feel guilty for not being sad. My dad has to give his eulogy, he is my uncle’s executor.

    My uncles’ death, your post, made me think that not everyone that is toxic in your life will die in order to cut them out. I am not trying to be funny.

    I have cut one person out of my life after many years (since Kindergarten) and I felt like I could breathe. It wasn’t a clean break, I may not have handled it well or maturely, it was sort of a gradual drop-chop. Your therapist sounds wise. I am happy for you, that you can see what you need to do and take care of yourself. You are pretty spectacular and probably attract equally superb people. Now I want to hug you.

    I am all jumbled up this week. Sorry for the mirror in my face 🙂 Tomorrow is the funeral and I am going. For my dad.

  6. Rhiannon

    So timely!

    I have someone that I need to get rid of, yesterday. I went to high school with this person, was in her wedding, yet really haven’t liked her much for the past couple years. She can’t let anyone be the best at anything. If I ran 3 miles, she ran 4 and she ran them faster. If my dress was $100, hers was $200. And, so on. I no longer log on to Google Chat anymore because I just don’t want to deal with her.

    Anyway, you’ve given me a little bit of courage…

  7. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    thanks for sharing your stories!

    and re: the thumbnail on the video – lest anyone think I don’t like Follow Friday or Micah – NO WAY. I love Follow Friday and appreciate all the cool vibes. I just hate what it’s turned into, the tweet after tweet of lists that make no sense, the hurt feelings, etc.

  8. zipper

    this is the best one yet. By far.

  9. deb@birdonawire

    I love you…that is all

  10. Naomi

    Good one …

    I wrote about it not too long ago … it’s something I think that needs to be done on a regular basis:

    Some of the comments were interesting to me because I think more and more people are realizing the need to cut ties … and partially its due to social media (me thinks anyway)

    (btw – you way tested my skills at turning the volume up/down/up/down with the difference in your chatting and the music … I’m not as limber in my reaction time as I once was!)

  11. Julie @ The Mom Slant

    First, thanks for the love.

    Second, you hit the bullseye with the point about narcissism. It’s not lack of self-esteem or even lack of self-awareness – it’s self-involvement and aggrandizement in the extreme.

    Finally, I’m struggling with some toxicity myself. It sucks.

  12. Ashleigh

    You’re awesome for sharing this and for knowing what’s best for YOU. Great chat. Your therapist makes a lot of sense about how a friend does not need to be everything.


  13. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

    I have had to chop people in the past. It isn’t fun, but sometimes it has to be done for self-preservation.

  14. Brigid

    I love the part about having different friends for different aspects of our lives. A life-long friend of mine has entirely unrealistic expectations of what I can be for her. I have taken a few steps back and hope that will suffice. Otherwise…

  15. Lindy

    chopped someone out of my life around the first of the yr and it felt AHMAY-ING!! She was someone I met through blogging who lived in the same city. I tried to make it work but we were just sooo not compatible. I was spending too much time complaining about her and her behavior/attitude when it clicked that she just didn’t deserve my time/energy. I like to stay positive and don’t like to surround myself w/ negative people. There’s enough negativity from things/ppl you can’t control why the HELL would I willingly do it to myself! Anyhoo I felt a little bad but I just deleted her from my reader, twitter and facebook.

  16. EatPlayLove

    I’ve gotten to a place where I am feeling good about my relationships, but I love the part where you said, a friend doesn’t have to be everything, I really do need to remember that.

  17. Sarah K

    My favorite part is the captions, esp. “as in, hello there, freak” LMAO.
    I think it is great to chop. I call it trimmin the fat. There are enough negative things in people’s lives that putting up with negative relationships should NOT be one of them. Go Aimee!

  18. Corrin

    The only people I have completely chopped out of my life have been ex-boyfriends who still want to be “friends” after we break up. (Yeah, not happening.) I’ve had a few friendships or family relationships where I create some distance for a time, but eventually there is partial restoration. Now on-line friends are a whole different story. I think it is healthy to chop those out when they no longer are edifying. I think it is wise to be careful who we are friends (I’m not referring to Facebook here) with us. They effect how we think, what we feel, how we see the world and how others see us. I choose my friends carefully.

  19. Sizzle

    Hey! I’m listed! 🙂

    I love that song and I love this video though it kept alarming me that the music volume would go up and down. I am easily startled though. Heh.

    I cut people out or back off when they are toxic. I also don’t let people get away with passive aggressive bullshit around me. I have a zero tolerance rule for that.

  20. Anonymous

    loved the video. keep them coming!

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