My hubsand is a very funny (and gross) man.

Here is an email I just received… as he re-enters the land of the living.


Since I am now moving about the house, I am no longer a member of the
“Society of People So Feverish and Sick that They Cannot Move About the
House.” While I am somewhat disappointed to be no longer a part of this
great society (many great people are members), every cloud has a silver
lining. Very soon after my membership of the above society was revoked, my
membership in an even more distinguished association arrived! You are now
priviledged to be the spouse of the most recent member of “The Association
of People Who Drink Water, Have Their Body Process That Water Throughout
Their Digestive System, And Then Shit Out Water, Looking Exactly Like It Did
At The Start Of The Process, With The Addition of a Little FDC Brown #4
Coloring, Just for Giggles.”

I was as surprised as you to receive this notification. I didn’t even
realize I had applied! But apparently they keep a constant lookout for
people of merit who may achieve their extremely high standards, and lucky me
was choosen. I always knew I was destined for greatness. I am going to start
experimenting with different color dyes and a stopwatch to see how long it
will take for each color to get through my body. Once I have established a
baseline, I should be able to mix a full spectrum by drinking the primary
parts of each color at correct time intervals. When my research is complete,
I will contact Pantone to give them first shot at releasing “Bryan’s
Asstone Color System.” The initial marketing campaign will go something like
this “Don’t let your print projects look like shit. For the best color,
start from the bottom. Asstone Colors. Each quart of color custom made in
small batches to your specifications with 100% organic ingredients. I
couldn’t do it any other way. Really, I couldn’t.”

Well, back to work for me.

Send this to a friend