Out of the Dark, Into the Light

This year has been really bad for us in so many ways. And so many of the things I can’t talk about – it’s like everyone sees the tip of the iceberg for me, and all this turmoil is roiling there under the surface, waiting for some giant ship to crash into me and smash everything to bits. But with no Leonardo DiCaprio to save me.

To be fair, it really started in May, when my mom got sick… but since then, the bombardment has been almost comical. From every part of my life, and even from Bryan’s. Seriously, I feel like screaming “INCOMING!!!” almost every damn day.

I count myself very lucky in that Bryan and I have turned to each other during all this, where sometimes, the stress can really do damage to a marriage. In fact, I feel closer to him than I ever have. He’s like my own personal Tauntaun, where I can slice him open and climb inside for comfort and warmth. [Trust me, he’ll love that reference.]

And now we head into the holidays, Thanksgiving in particular – my favorite holiday. A time to think about what is good in your life and what we are thankful for. Well, this year SURE AIN’T IT.

Except that it kind of is.

It’s not like anyone enjoys hard times, but I also think they help you have perspective on so many things. And even though my year was rough, so many people have it rougher. I have my family, I have so many wonderful friends, I have things to do that I feel good about – three REALLY important things right there. And more specifically, I have a son who is a bright star of awesome and is becoming more and more awesome by the minute, so how can ANYONE be bummed with him around. Except when he gets cranky of course, but we’ll just chalk that up to A GROWING BOY NEEDS FOOD. [Lots and LOTS of food.]

And while I am not a religious person, I really do believe that when God (the Universe, Whatever) closes a door, he/she/it opens a window. I am just not sure that I am ready to climb through that window just yet.

But I am looking.

Until then (and I know it sounds very Stuart Smalleyesque) but I regularly think of my family and friends when the times get dark and imagine them standing behind me. The people who love me and support me no matter what.

And I am thankful.

This article has 16 comments

  1. Anonymous

    thinking of you Aimee – happy Thanksgiving – m

  2. sue at nobaddays

    Thinking of you too Aimee, and hoping that things ease and resolve themselves and that next year is all sorts of wonderful and ease!

  3. monstergirlee

    I love that you mentioned how you and Bryan are turning to each other and growing closer. So often tragedy in one part of our lives turns into hurts and misunderstandings between Husband and Wife, and that just makes it worse.
    I hope the new years brings more joy than anything else.
    I too, will be sitting down to count my blessings soon. Thanks for the reminder.
    And a great big HUG to all three of you!

  4. Carrie

    MiAimee…I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a god awful year. Been there myself. Its pretty horrible when you are in the throws of it. But it sounds like you’ve really got an awesome perspective and a great outlook. Family and friends do make all the difference in this crazy world. Happy thanksgiving and thanks for making me laugh and reflect! Carrie

  5. Meghann

    Love ya Aims! (Even if I am just one of those people that lives inside your computer, lol!)

  6. Queen

    Ahhhhh… the ever famous door closing and window opening idea. Sadly the door slammed loudly and painfully in my face almost two years ago and I’m still waiting by the window. But you are oh so very right… the friends and family who are with us in hard times are immeasurable. Maybe it’s time I jumped through… rather then waiting. Happy Thanksgiving my American blog friend…. better days ahead. I’ll say a prayer tonight for your mom (and all the other crap under that shit iceberg).

  7. Mary-Frances

    Huge hugs and I agree “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – we’ve had that kind of a year too and supportive immediate family is the BEST!

  8. Assertagirl

    Oh, I love that image of your loved ones standing behind you, surrounding you with their support. That’s going to keep me going for awhile. Have a great Thanksgiving, Aimee!

  9. zenrain

    Love you guys….
    many hugs sent your way, Mar

  10. Jennifer

    I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough year, but I’m happy to hear that you’ve got a great perspective and a great network of friends and family around you. THAT is priceless and something to be truly thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

  11. Alexis Anzalone

    I’ve followed you on Twitter for awhile but haven’t commented here before. Love your blog! I just wanted to wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving and positive, healing wishes for the holiday season ahead.

  12. Magpie

    happy thanksgiving, and may the next year be a good one.

  13. ©M's❤2©♫

    Life is like the murky waters from which springs forth the beautiful lotus blossom.. I hope things get better for you.

  14. Vanessa

    sweet aimee, you are awesome!

  15. J at www.jellyjules.com

    Ugh. I hate years like that. 2007 was tough for us, but 2008 made us look at 2007 and laugh and say, “What, we thought THAT was hard? HA!, 2008 is SO MUCH FRIKKIN WORSE!” and it even made us kind of glad for some of the things we were bitter about in 2007. Then came 2009 and 2010, which are like you said, the icebergs beneath the surface, about which I do not write, but they were years that could have been our undoing, not so much our marriage as our very selves. I’m not exaggerating. Had things gone differently, I’m not sure I would be able to cope. There’s still that tiny shard of danger, but it’s so tiny compared the HUGE MONSTER that had come and moved into our house and our hearts and our very cores. Thankfully, that monster has been mostly vanquished, and we’re still fighting the good fight, hoping to banish it from our home altogether. And that fight, that incredible fight, has brought the three of us closer than ever, in our relationship with each other, and in our determination to NOT let it wipe us from the face of the Earth. 2010 is a year that started horribly, but has gotten so much better. I have high hopes for 2011. For you and your family, as well.

  16. JennyMoose

    And we ARE behind you, girlfriend

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