The crazy dreams continue.
It’s very obvious that I am working through some childhood traumas. Stuff I am not going to talk about on this blog out of deference for my family… but let’s just say things were not always Pleasantville when I was a kid.
It’s obvious this stuff has been buried ever since then. My therapist has explained that dreams are like a daily filing system for your brain. That whatever you’re dealing with emotionally will come out in your dreams, albeit with some funky symbolism maybe, and then your brain can file it away as a memory.
In my case, we think the scary stuff from my childhood has been stuck in the trauma center of the brain. The place where the brain stores memories that it can’t deal with yet. And I have been disassociating it all, and a lot of other things ever since. It’s been a long running joke in my family that I can’t remember shit from my childhood. I am not sure if I will ever get it back, but in the last few years, after several years on the therapist’s couch, my sleep study, the diagnosis of arousal disorder, playing around with crazy meds and finally finding a combination that works… all of the above have obviously FINALLY put my brain in “filing mode.”
Because the dreams I am having now are significant and fairly earth-shattering. They are also a combination of good, and not so good. It’s definitely a one step forward, two steps back sort of thing. I am wobbly emotionally for a few days after them.
But I am writing them down in my dream journal, expressing all my feelings from the dreams just like my therapist asks me to, and trying to hold it together as it all comes pouring out.
We are gonna have one hell of a session next month.