Synaptical Filing System

The crazy dreams continue.

It’s very obvious that I am working through some childhood traumas. Stuff I am not going to talk about on this blog out of deference for my family… but let’s just say things were not always Pleasantville when I was a kid.

It’s obvious this stuff has been buried ever since then. My therapist has explained that dreams are like a daily filing system for your brain. That whatever you’re dealing with emotionally will come out in your dreams, albeit with some funky symbolism maybe, and then your brain can file it away as a memory.

In my case, we think the scary stuff from my childhood has been stuck in the trauma center of the brain. The place where the brain stores memories that it can’t deal with yet. And I have been disassociating it all, and a lot of other things ever since. It’s been a long running joke in my family that I can’t remember shit from my childhood. I am not sure if I will ever get it back, but in the last few years, after several years on the therapist’s couch, my sleep study, the diagnosis of arousal disorder, playing around with crazy meds and finally finding a combination that works… all of the above have obviously FINALLY put my brain in “filing mode.”

Because the dreams I am having now are significant and fairly earth-shattering. They are also a combination of good, and not so good. It’s definitely a one step forward, two steps back sort of thing. I am wobbly emotionally for a few days after them.

But I am writing them down in my dream journal, expressing all my feelings from the dreams just like my therapist asks me to, and trying to hold it together as it all comes pouring out.

We are gonna have one hell of a session next month.

This article has 12 comments

  1. Meghann

    Glad that things are finally getting worked through.

    It gives me pause though, because my husband can’t remember his childhood really, so now I’m wondering if he isn’t in the same boat.

  2. Catherine

    I have the same problem of remembering… only it isn’t my childhood so much as my divorce. The entire Year of Hell is a complete and utter blur.

    I feel for you. And hope that things sort themselves out in as least painful a way as possible.

  3. joansy

    I’m so glad you’ve found someone to work through this with you. I hope you get some answers soon.

  4. Builder Mama

    I know it’s painful and hard, but it sounds like you are moving in a really positive direction. Sending lots of hugs your way….

  5. zenrain

    I hope you find some answers soon…glad you found a good therapist to help you….

  6. mamalicious

    keep up the good work…don’t give up. it will all be worth the gut-wrenching stuff…and you will be an even better mama for it.

  7. Sarah

    So, is that kind of like Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

  8. g-man

    Sending you the positive waves.

    It does sound like progress is progress, and I am confident that one day you will have it all worked out. I’m pulling for you.

    Since it is such a serious topic I will refrain from making any jokes about arousal disorder. 🙂

    Sleep well Amiee.

  9. Sue at nobaddays

    Good for you for synthesizing and working through it and keeping it all in balance as much as possible. Know that we all stand with and around you for support.

  10. sue

    I remember TOO much in vivid clarity… ah, well…Isn’t the mind a wonderful and scary thing?Glad things are going better for you. Good luck with it all.

  11. JennyMoose

    Sending you love and hugs Aimee, I hope someday you can enjoy the honeysuckle and swimming pool and roller skates that I know are in your head somewhere. You are a treasure beyond price and I am SO impressed by all your hard work in this area. God Bless you.

  12. aimee / greeblemonkey

    Thanks all, and especially my childhood BF Jennymoose! I appreciate your help wading through my childhood memories!

    And Gmna, Bryan had mucho fun with my diagnosis. MUCHO. 😉

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