The hits just keep on coming…

Declan: Mama, {insert name of boy at school who is smart as a whip and knows pretty much everything} told me that boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls.

Me: [Oh fuck. Seriously! Why do these always come up when Bryan is out of town!?!] He is right, sort of. Unfortunately, in most places, it is NOT allowed for boys to marry boys and girls to marry girls – but Mama and Daddy think it should be.

Declan: But why do boys marry boys?

Me: Because some boys just happen to like boys.

Declan: And why are they not allowed to get married?

Me: [Good question, dude!] Well, it’s “controversial.” Which means a lot of people disagree about it. But, really I don’t understand why they can’t. If two people love each other, they should be allowed to get married, right? If you loved a boy and wanted to marry him, that would be OK with us. [Danger Will Robinson! Danger Will Robinson!] BUT! BUT! You usually don’t figure out who you like until you are older. Like, MUCH older.

Declan: I think I will marry {insert name of boy from class who is really annoying and drives me insane}.

Me: [imagining a gun being placed to my head] Ummm…

Declan: Or, maybe I will just live with you guys for forever!

Me: Good plan.

P.S. This same night Declan ALSO asked when and how “man came to be alive.” So I had to explain evolution, for Pete’s sake. EVOLUTION for a 5 year old. The upshot? Declan got a big kick out of being related to monkeys.


This article has 35 comments

  1. Sizzle

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

    I can’t stop laughing.

    Bryan is really not going to be allowed away ever again. You’re handling these questions like a champ though!

  2. brookem

    ha, these things always happen with your significant other is away, don’t they?!

  3. davegoblog

    Last week, I got the question from the back seat from my 6-yo daughter, “What does gay mean?”

    Me: “Ummm…well it can mean different things like happy or joyful. Or…it can mean when a boy likes boys instead of girls, or when a girl likes girls instead of boys.”

    Daughter: “Okay.”

    Me: “Whew!”

  4. Keely

    Oh, this made me smile. Thanks. I’m so glad there are mom’s like you out there.

  5. Natalie

    You handled it MUCH better than I would have.

    I would have said “Hey, how about a cookie”.

    My son is firmly convinced that he is going to marry me when he grows up. He’s not grasping the whole blood relative thing right now.

  6. zipper

    The kid is gonna know everything before 1st grade, even.

  7. kristabella

    Hahaha! That little guy is one smart cookie!

  8. Kathy

    At least you and your husband are on the same page. I don’t know WHAT I’m going to do when this comes up with our kids…I think it’s ok, but my husband thinks if we allow gay marriages then “why don’t we just allow incest and pedophilia”. ??? I know right!?!

    My kids are in trouble…

  9. Catherine

    Are you sure Bryan didn’t leave a list for Declan of “things to ask mommy while I’m away”?

  10. Gretchen

    Don’t worry, the questions get harder the older they get.

    Sometimes a well placed, “We can talk about that later,” works wonders!

  11. Anonymous


  12. zenrain

    The other day we were in the car, and Hawkins listed about 5 boys he was going to marry, and Nolan’s response (as serious as he could be): “But Hawkins, then you won’t have any money!” I about crashed the car laughing so hard!

  13. Mr Lady

    You know Ms. ParaProfessional in ECE? She got into a Heated Debate with 2of3 in ECE (age 4) about whether boys can marry boys. Her point was, No. His point was, I know a lot of guys married to guys, so i think you’re wrong. She ARGUED with my FOUR YEAR OLD. and then called me in and voiced her concerns over 2of3 spending so much time with “Those Men” (my gay BFF’s).

    I believe I told her to shove it up her ass.

  14. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Oh my word, your stories are cracking up! And MrLady, sooooo glad Dex is out of ECE and sooo glad I didn’t know that story last year.

  15. The Casual Perfectionist

    Ha! If it makes you feel better, my baby brother (who is now 25) really wanted marry his best friend, Joel. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that.) Girls were icky at that point and not nearly as much fun as his friend Joel.

    They were Declan’s age or a little older.

    Needless to say, my parents weren’t as open-minded as you were, and my brother was very disappointed to learn that they didn’t think that was a good idea.


  16. MB

    I feel you. I’m the gayest girl I know and my daughter thinks that girls have to be princesses and marry princes. Of course I got THAT child. She may never accept me.

  17. June

    Still marriage and evolution in the same day! The moral hypocrites will be looking for you.

    You should really collect these conversations and make a book. Sort of an Erma Bombeck sort of thing. Glad there are parents out there like you…

  18. Phil

    You handled that incredibly well! I don’t recall ever asking about it, but I grew up hearing all about how boys liking boys (girls liking girls wasn’t such a hot topic) “goes against nature”.

  19. Fi

    Please pass on my thanks to your son for lightening up an extremely boring Tuesday!

  20. Emily

    Hahahahaha! That’s awesome! Did you ever read finslippy’s post about explaining evolution to her son? It’s classic.

  21. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

    I’d prefer my son marry the boy in his class that drives me crazy to living here the rest of his life.

    Just sayin’.

  22. Loralee Choate

    BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Why, oh WHY do these questions only come out when the spouse is out of town?

  23. Anonymous

    that is hilarious.

  24. laughingatchaos

    My oldest asks these questions all the time, doesn’t matter if Tom is out of town or not. ; ) Non.Stop.Questions. But it’s all good; he keeps me on my toes.

  25. Zeynep

    This is too cute! Mostly I act as if whatever they’re asking is the most normal question in the world (why, my child, yes, some people do believe that people evolved from monkeys and some people believe god created them, and some people believe both, why do you ask?) or tell them that they can decide for themselves when they’re older.

  26. Becky

    Try being a single mom where you HAVE TO ANSWER all these questions yourself! Like “Do Uncle Joe and Jason sleep in the same bed?”
    “Yes, I think they do but it’s really none of our business.”

    Good job on the answers!

  27. AB

    Hee hee – I imagine I will be having this conversation in the near future as well. For now, Jaxon just wants to give me “princess kisses” at night which is bad enough. He’s only 4 so for now I just let it go. Besides, a sweet kiss is a sweet kiss and I probably will be begging for any sort of kiss in a few years, right? (A princess kiss is just a long smack on the lips – very innocent!) But I still squirm a bit when he loudly announces in the morning as I am dropping him off that he wants to give me a princess kiss!!!

  28. Ashmystir

    Ha. ha.

    You handled that like a pro. Way to go mom!!


  29. painted maypole

    ha ha ha

    when my good friend had a baby and named it “Lily” I used to joke with her that she was destined to be a deep voiced lesbian, and maybe she and the may queen would fall in love, and then we could split the wedding costs. 😉

  30. Noble Savage

    Declan’s questions and your answers never cease to amaze and amuse. 🙂

  31. J at

    ohohohoh! Buy him THIS BOOK:

    It’s the best treatment of evolution I’ve ever seen, and awesome for 5 or 50. Really good.

    Regarding the marriage, I got nothing. Though my daughter thought being gay was really gross (no matter how I told her it was find, and heck, we have cousins who are gay, blah blah blah) until Willow and Tara fell in love on Buffy, so there’s always TV. 😉

  32. J at

    Looks like my link pooped out. The book is called Life on Earth: The Story of Evolution, and the author is Steve Jenkins. LOVE that book.

  33. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    J- thanks I just went and wishlisted it!

  34. emma

    When I had that talk with my daughter I stressed that you could only marry one person at a time. But then she started listing all her friends, so maybe that wasn’t such a good idea – you know, encouraging her to get divorced repeatedly.

  35. Alpha DogMa

    Job well done. I remember being five and asking my mom lots of questions about my aunt and her ‘roommate’ and my mom did NOT do near as well as you did with those answers.

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