The "Not if You Paid Me" List
When I was at Joe and Aimee of the Cool Name’s house last weekend, we started talking about concerts. Apparently Aimee can count the number of shows she has seen on one hand. (Sad, sad girl). And as she listed them off, I felt myself throw-up a little bit. I had been thinking about a post for a while, talking about bands I would never see in concert. Bands I hate so much that even if you paid me, I wouldn’t go see them. (Because let’s face it, I would go see almost anyone for free).
THREE of the five bands that she had seen, were on my Not If You Paid Me List. Guess which ones?
• Kid Rock
• Snoop Dog
• Jimmy Buffett
• Grateful Dead (if they were alive)
• Neil Young
Yes, poor little Aimee, who has only seen 5 shows ever, has been subjected to Kid Rock, the Grateful Dead and Jimmy Buffett in her lifetime. No wonder she has only seen 5.
She was quick to assure me that Kid Rock was for free. Well, I hope so!
Apparently, Joe had an in somewhere, so they even went back stage and were able to meet THE MAN. And the MIDGET! (He was still alive then). And, good news people! They are just as big assholes as you would imagine. Calling girls bitches and ho’s IS NOT AN ACT! Whew! I am so relieved!
Apparently Joe said something really rude to the Midget and pissed him off, too. I was so proud.
AND! It gets better! When I told this story to Jeff the other night, his eyes got big and he started telling me about how our friends Auggie and Renee saw Kid Rock like 2 weeks ago (what, is it like a DISEASE???) and they, too, somehow made it backstage. And how some roadie shoved a pizza in Renee’s hand because “the guys like food with their girls.”
Now that’s class.
So. Kid Rock remains at the very top of the Not If You Paid Me List.
NOW! WHO IS ON YOUR LIST?
This is gonna be fun!
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Miami Sound Machine. Ironically, also the first concert I ever went to, when I was about 14.
The Rolling Stones. Lo, how they suck. I am unapologetic about this opinion. They suck, suck, suck.
Men in any sort of leggings or feline print. (Men in dresses is fine.)
Women in any sort of bustier.
John Ashcroft.
Oh, and Kid Rock, of course. Duh.
Maybe for a million but otherwise, uh, no:
Enya
Eric Clapton
Madonna
Michael Jackson
Celine Dion
1. Styx
2. Def Leppard/Bon Jovi (too bad, b/c they’re the big act at Frontier Days this year)….
3. Justin Timberlake
4. Yanni
5. Michael Bolton
Oh Aimee. I have been to 3 Jimmy Buffett concerts and I loved every one – it’s not the music, it’s the audience. Ditto w/ Cher (although I like Cher a whole lot more than Jimmy as far as the music). Barry Manilow also draws a fantastic crowd.
As for the Grateful Dead, I didn’t see them, but I did see Rat Dog, which has most of the same members and that was a huge mistake. That was the smelliest audience I have ever encountered. Maybe an outdoor show would be ok, but inside at a small venue with 300 people who had yet to discover deodorant or showers was a bit much.
As for my list:
Britney Spears
Paris Hilton
Michael Bolton
Lindsey Lohan
Yanni
I am dying. John Ashcroft sings???
And Sue, Eric Clapton? You need to explain that one.
And I will admit. I still want to see Madonna sometime in my lifetime. Leftover angst from not seeing her when I was all jangled up in jellybands.
And Mar. Justin. Love. Justin. Fun. Hot. Yes. Pop. But. Hot.
And Joansy. Sorry. I have always had a deep seeded hate for everything, anything Jimmy Buffet. The music, the scene, the cheeseburgers. I hate it all. Sorry.
Justin?? Sorry, I just can’t get into it… Hot? really??? Now I saw Amos Lee on Austin City Limits the other night, HE is HOT!!
Pussy Cat Dolls
Jessica Simpson
Phish
Yeah, Pussy cat Dolls were close on my list. But it almost would be a hoot too.
I saw both the Dead and Buffett (and Buffett over 20 times) and you don’t know what you are missing! Totally worth the sunburn.
JennyMoose
I know, I know. I knew I would get shit over Buffett. I am not a fan of Springsteen either. But I’d probably go see him if it was free.
Listening to Eric Clapton bums me out … find him v. draining/depressing for some reason. Possibly one of those “I remember where I was when I heard that song” things 😉
Yeah, we do like our girls with food. 🙂 Like duh. 🙂
Disclaimer: That was a joke and meant on no way to demean or degrade women (or food).
I’m not a huge music fan, there is a LOT of stuff I would not want to see.
And I’ll trade Madonna for Britney. Forgot about her. Shudder!
G-Man, bwaaa ha ha! “Not to demean women (or food).”
And Sue… not sure Britney is going on the road again any time soon, so I think we are safe!
I love Britney. And Jimmy Buffet. And Celine Dion. And every cheese ball who ever sang a song. I actually saw Milli Vanilli back in the 80’s. Now there’s QUALITY.
Not interested in seeing:
Indigo Girls (been there, done that a ZILLION times)
Michael Buble
Disturbed (or any of those other screamers)
R. Kelly
Color me badd
Iron Butterfly
Rick Wakeman
Menudo
Air Supply
MC Hammer
GWAR
GWAR!!! They make me laugh just thinking of them. But yeah, I probably would be too scared to go see them too.
And Bryan, come on, admit it. You watch AI with me sometimes.
If the venue is serving beer, I will go see any band you got. Especially with a million bucks to buy with (hopefully in small bills. It is tough enough to get them to break a twenty)But it would take the most cash for me to see SpringsteinTravis TrittGarth BrooksHillary DuffAny American IdolAnybody from this pageMost of these I avoid because of the crowd that does want to see them. I just couldn’t drink enough to make it through the night. Now that I think of it, I despise their music, too.
I agree with Bryan, that I would most likely see anyone if I could have a beer while watching. Yet, I would particularly loathe to see Insane Clown Posse, They Might Be Giants, or Paris Hilton.
🙂
Jen G.
Ha! I love They Might Be Giants and saw them when I was in high school at this AWESOME cave-like bar in DC (9:30 Club for you East Coasters). I dragged my very preppy friend there, who particularly enjoyed the performance art opening act whose main claim to fame was shaving balloons to music.
Toby Keith
Insane Clown Posse
Britney Spears
Any boy band (or memebr thereof)
Nelly
These shows would not just be musical toture, but also would involve an equally unbearable audience. It makes me depressed just thinking about losing two hours of my life to one of these concerts.
oh GAWD. Toby Keith. I think I’d put a gun to my head.
And Alpha DogMa just mentioned Josh Groban on her blog:
http://alphadogma.blogspot.com/2007/04/more-emma-thompson-mockery-new-and.html
HOLY CATS. I can’t believe I forgot Josh Groban. If I was dead and in my grave and Bryan played Josh Groban over my tombstone, I would rise from the dead and throttle him.