Breaking Free
Do you have a person in your life, who, no matter how hard you try – always manages to push your buttons? The person who makes no sense, who makes you feel like you are wading through caramel when you are talking to them? Actually, scratch that – because wading through caramel would be a good thing, like – really. yummy. I am talking about a person who seems to hear the exact opposite of what you say, or possibly purposely doesn’t listen? And then makes decisions that affect people, but anything you do about it somehow gets twisted – to where you feel like you have been on trial yet never had your day on the stand. You have been convicted, sent to jail, and are clanging that tin cup against the bars… all the while innocent of whatever crime you were accused of.
I know I am not making any sense.
Except to those of you who have this same person in your life.
I got sucked back into the ooze today.
And then I called my husband. Called, instead of walked down the hall – because he no longer works with me, and that alone probably added to the malaise of my mood today… just hearing his voice filled my lungs with fresh air.
I told him, “I need you to talk me down.”
And he did.
He reminded me that I could not win with this person. That I had tried my best. That my family loves me and that is what matters most.
I hung up the phone and exhaled.
I was home.
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Gorgeous pic. And I hear you. OH how I hear you.
I know this type. If I can, I try to remove them from my life (in some cases I have!) but sometimes all you have to do is try to stay true to you. Often that means calling someone who can talk you down and remind you of good. Glad you have that. Xo
Yes, I have a person like this in my life that is a family member. A CLOSE family member. Who sucks the air out a the room we’re in everytime we are together. My husband is CONSTANTLY talking me down and tells me the same thing. It works. So yes, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about and I feel ya’ girlfriend, I really do.
On another note, I’m glad to hear that your mom is feeling better. 😉
Yes, I have a person like this in my life that is a family member. A CLOSE family member. Who sucks the air out a the room we’re in everytime we are together. My husband is CONSTANTLY talking me down and tells me the same thing. It works. So yes, I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about and I feel ya’ girlfriend, I really do.
On another note, I’m glad to hear that your mom is feeling better. 😉
Oh yes, I know that type of person. The sad part is, I can’t call my husband to get my feelings out and talk me down because it’s my husbands brother that is that person.
Thanks for the support friends.
And Autumn – so sorry you can’t talk top hubby about it. 🙁
It’s such a good thing to have someone in your life that can ground you so well. Especially in situations like that.
Yep…it’s like the consistency of caramel, but more like a toxic goo. Been there, done that, hauled those garbage bags of toxicity to the curb.
I’m waiting for the day that a crisis brings this person back into my life (because it’s inevitable when you share DNA with someone), and I’ll be forced to deal with the goo again.
Hang in there!
You can say dumbfucks. It’s a good word. 😉
And clearly we all have people like this, eh?
Thanks.
I probably needed to hear that. I just need to step away and breathe.
A, so sorry to hear it…. if it helps, one of the most useful things my therapist conveyed to me was the importance of accepting people as perfect just the way they are (the framework being that I’m a bit of a perfectionist and so probably more critical of people and perceived wrongdoings than others) — that the world NEEDS all kinds of different people. And more importantly, that it’s futile to attempt to change someone — it’s not our job and they would never hear it anyway. People will always be marching to the beat of their own drummer as it were.
Sometimes it’s VERY hard for me to swallow and follow this advice — especially when I see what seems to me to be serious shenanigans going down, but it *is* freeing when I can get there. I had one really bad relationship where the person keeps getting in touch with me in bizarre, stalker-ish ways and my tx suggested I view this person’s communication as junk mail because really, that was what it essentially was, and whenever receiving it, to wish him peace and forgiveness because he truly, truly needed it. Once I was able to do that I was instantly freed.
Sorry to be so long-winded — this is a topic that clearly touches a nerve!
xo christine
Christine – my therapist says very similar things – about this person in particular and you are so right. You put some new spins on it too – thanks for chiming in!
It’s always a good reminder to let yourself be free of toxic relationships!
I have one of those, except she often won’t say anything, then explodes. I feel like nothing I do is ever good enough, like I’m the country cousin to her cosmopolitan lifestyle and holier-than-thou attitude. No matter what I do I feel like I’m doing it wrong. Then she tells me she feels the same way about me and my life. WTF? Crap. Sucks. And I love her so much, and she loves me. and it fucking hurts so bad.
I’m sorry you’re having such a bad time. I’m glad you and Bryan got to talk. Sometimes that all you can do.
breathe in breathe out etc.
HUGS!
I made the decision a few weeks ago that life is too short to waste time on dumb asses. I actually said a different word than ass. Catch my drift? But it’s true…
Yeah, I know how you feel. We all have someone like that in our lives. It’s hard not to try and change the situation. Take a breath in and out…..
this hits entirely too close to home today
Have to admit, I too have faced this same dilemma.
I divorced the friendship.
Honestly, I didn’t realize how toxic she was until I began to heal from the hole it left in my heart.
Now I realize, it was the best thing I’ve ever done towards loving myself.
I’d like to say I have no clue what you’re talking about… I’d like to say that…
But when I got an opportunity to finally push back, I did. She’s gone. Good riddance.
This is beautifully written. Thank you for writing it.
Ahhh you got me on this one! In my case… the horrid person that was weighing me down is finally out of my life! I would love to discuss it with my husband… but sadly when she left… she took him with her!
Even worse… it turns out he’s harder to deal with than she ever was! Wish I’d seen that one coming!
Think I’ll go dish up a bowl of ice cream… maybe with some carmel sauce. There’s sweeter thnigs out there than the crap some people dish out! And you know what they say about Karma!
Beautiful pic…I like it!
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