The Darkness of Diabetes

I have had diabetes for over twelve years now. Probably more, because they were pretty sure I had it for several years prior to diagnosis. The first ten years were a cakewalk. I only took a little bit of medicine and checked in with my doctor and really not much else. Then there was that time in my life when things got rough. I call them the Dark Years.

It was when my mom got sick and I got sick and other then that bad time in childhood with my dad, it was pretty much the worst period of my life. The good news is when you have a bad couple years, you appreciate the good ones so much more. After I spent nine months on my back with the ear infection my body didn’t bounce back easily. Part of this I know is age; when you’re over 40, things just take longer to heal. But it just seemed like my pancreas has decided it just wasn’t going to work anymore. So I was taking all kinds of different meds and lots of insulin.

It’s amazing what even a little weight will do to change your numbers in terms of your diabetes is either direction, and I had gained. Neuropathy is definitely setting in because I can feel the cold my feet and hands so much more, and I can tell when my numbers are off even just in my eyesight. When you’re diabetic they do a test called an HA1C every three months that gives you an average of what your sugars for like for the past quarter. My test early this year was the worst I ever had. When she got the results, my doctor came in to the office with your eyes closed and surprised. I was not that surprised… given how terrible I had been feeling.

Diabetes will always be with me, and it will always be a struggle. Most days I am actually thankful for the daily reminders to keep my health in check. When I go far as off the rails like I had been, the disease seems overwhelming and scary. It feels dark and punishing. It makes you confused, both in terms of how your body reacts to things but how it’s a mind game concerning every thing you do and eat, every day.

You wish things were simpler.

But then 2014 came on like gangbusters – in a good way – and I started walking more and drinking more water and breathing more. It was almost like universe knew it was time to turn around. The weight started coming off and my numbers came down. Last time we checked my HA1C, it was very close within my goal number.

It’s been a good year, not only in terms of my health – but in terms of my life.

This article has 8 comments

  1. professorj

    I so identify with this post. I’ve had it for 12 years (minimum) as well. I’m in a tough spot right now, but I’m trying to turn it around.

  2. sue at nobaddays

    So happy to hear this, Aimee! And glad that things are lighter, healthier and happier for you. Health after 40 takes so much more effort, compassion and self care. Sucks. But also wonderful to take better care of ourselves, yes?

  3. Kath

    Oh Aimee –

    This is the best news I’ve heard in ages! So awesome and so very happy for you.

    Love you and miss you and your darling guys –


    • Aimee

      Thank you friend! Also had a bunch of lab tests that came back better than they have been in years too. So good news all around. AND WE MISS YOU TOO!

  4. Scott K. Johnson

    Hi Aimee!

    Diabetes is something else, isn’t it? A little change in life’s routine here, a tad of something there, some emotional turmoil here, and all of a sudden you’re down a hole that you hadn’t even realized you stepped in even though you could feel it getting darker around you.

    I think many of us have been there – I know I have. Maybe it’s a normal part of life with diabetes? An ebb & flow sort of thing? It sure is hard though. I do think it’s easier to climb back up and out once you’ve been down and up again – you at least know it’s not going to suck so bad forever. Like you say – it’s like the universe knew it was time to turn around.

    I’m really happy to hear things are going better for you. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that 2015 kicks twice as much ass and keeps the momentum going for you. 🙂

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