Guest Blogger: My Nutty Husband
Here is an email he sent out to our coworkers after today’s potluck lunch.
Thanks to everyone! That was fun and filling. No dinner for Scoob tonight.
Enjoy your Halloween afternoon and evening, but BE SAFE!
1. Have an adult check your candy before you eat it.
2. Make sure your costume has reflective tape so you can be seen by speeding motorists. Getting hit by a car is a real annoyance. Trust me on this one.
3. Be sure all cauldrons are well ventilated.
4. Carry a flash light to help determine if body parts are real or fake.
5. Avoid people wearing garlic. They smell and it can burn your flesh.
6. Most threats of holy water turn out to be fake, but do you really need to find out? Find an easier victim.
7. Prevent communicable infections – clean all dismembering utensils promptly. A clean axe is a happy axe, plus, once it dries, blood will discolor most metals.
8. If your victim overwhelms you by surprise, play dead. Most people will just assume they destroyed you and walk away. Then you can get up and go after them again. The look in their eyes when you appear from around the next corner: Priceless.
9. When presented with two sticks, fingers or pieces of silverware held perpendicular to each other in the shape of a crucifix as a feeble means of self-defense, try not to laugh. If someone else witnesses you laughing, they might realize how worthless that is and come up with some real defenses. Ignore and continue feeding.
10. Three children are worth the same number of points as one adult, and one-quarter the hassle. It’s up to you, I’m just saying. You get no extra points for energy expended.