Life With Bryan

Declan STILL likes to watch episodic, happy-go-lucky shows that have simple plots and where the characters never change. This is why it’s so hard for him to understand movies where the people are complex, have a character arc, and shoot at each other. But these quick little shows are also perfect to entertain him in the morning while we’re getting ready for work, so who am I to complain? It pretty much drives Bryan crazy though.

[This morning as we were waking up.]

Bryan: Declan asked me the other day if dogs really don’t like to be called “adorable.”

Aimee: Where did he get that from??

Bryan: Clifford. Jetta’s dog Mac doesn’t like it.

Aimee: What did you say?

Bryan: That Mac is a dick. … But that it’s really all Jetta’s fault because she is a bitch and her family clearly all comes from new money. Stupid nouveau rich cartoon characters. Then we decided that Clifford should eat Jetta. And T-Bone would be all like “Where’s Jetta?!” And you know that bitch would cause some wicked indigestion, and Dr. Din would have to come over…

Aimee: Wait, who’s Dr. Din??

Bryan: Hello, keep up, the veterinarian on Birdwell Island. And Dr. Din would have to tell everyone to stay away from Clifford because of his stinky farts, and meanwhile everyone one be dredging all the water around the island looking for Jetta and Clifford would be laughing his huge red ass off knowing they would never find her. And no one would be there to make Mac look “adorable” so he would become the hobo dog of Birdwell Island, finally getting his comeuppance for being such an asshole. And Declan thought he would be “adorable” scrounging for food in trashcans…

Aimee: Um, Declan thought he would be adorable?

Bryan: Totally.

[This went on for at least another 10 minutes but I will spare you.]

This article has 11 comments

  1. Anonymous

    her is such a nut! – m

  2. Sizzle

    You guys crack me up. 🙂

  3. LemonySarah

    So funny! This sounds like the conversations we have with our kids. Who are teenagers.

  4. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Um, Sarah, let’s be clear before CPS swoops in that Bryan DID NOT ACTUALLY have this conversation with our 6 year old. 😉

  5. zipper

    I think Bryan and I would get along.

  6. daysgoby

    *roaring* It’s even better since I agree with Bryan!

  7. Megan

    oh my word. That dude is awesome.

  8. Anonymous

    I can’t believe he talks to his child that way.

  9. Keely

    Ha! I needed a good laugh today! So what I want to know now is what Bryan thinks of Caillou. That kid drives me bonkers and Zoe loves him.

  10. monstergirlee

    aw clifford is OK. Its those damn dragon tails that I hate.
    But somehow I think its sweet that my 6 yr old still likes it.
    Bryan is really funny. But I totally agree about Jetta – she is so new money.

  11. J at

    Dang. I thought this might have been a real conversation. My husband has these conversations with our kid, and I find myself cringing in horror…but Maya LOVES them.

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