Today, Chris at Rude Cactus has a wonderful birthday post for his daughter Mia, who just turned two. His words have inspired me to redouble my mommy efforts – because these past few weeks have been rough for Declan and me. We just have not been clicking. Weird, I know, since last Sunday was like our best day ever, right?
Maybe it’s the heat, I know we’re tired, I am pretty sure he has some sort of throat infection from his allergies because his breath is rank… But mainly we just are not “getting” each other.
For example, we were at the grocery store yesterday and as the bagger was handing me my purchases, Declan was annoyed and done with sitting in the cart. Then I handed Declan the bag of bread to hold with him up in the front. I even said, “Here Dex, this is the bread, please keep it safe.”
What does he do?
He put it next to him and start pounding on it like it was a punching bag. No joke! Literally pounding the bread. My mouth was hanging open so wide you could have parked a semi in it. And when I snapped out of it, what did I do?
Yelled at him REALLY LOUD in front of God, country and grocery baggers alike.
In retrospect, I think he was trying to make room for himself in the front cart, but STILL. My child has NEVER done anything like that IN HIS ENTIRE FRICKIN’ LIFE. (And I know, because he probably wouldn’t be alive right now if he did shit like that on a regular basis).
As I was driving home, with a sullen and remorseful kid in the backseat (who wouldn’t be after they saw what was left of the bread?), I berated myself.
Maybe I am just not cut out for this gig. I suck as a mom. He deserves better. All the way through the grocery store I had lost my patience with him over inconsequential things. Yes, he earned some trouble for pounding the bread, but did I really need to YELL at him like a banshee?
And after a few tears, a few deep breaths, I reminded myself that Declan and I are not always going to get along. We are going to push each others buttons. And I have a really, really, really awesome kid.
So, this morning as I read Chris’ loving post to his daughter, I made a little promise to try again. To try harder.
And on those days that Declan and I aren’t getting along so well?
Maybe we can go pound some bread together.