Today, Chris at Rude Cactus has a wonderful birthday post for his daughter Mia, who just turned two. His words have inspired me to redouble my mommy efforts – because these past few weeks have been rough for Declan and me. We just have not been clicking. Weird, I know, since last Sunday was like our best day ever, right?
Maybe it’s the heat, I know we’re tired, I am pretty sure he has some sort of throat infection from his allergies because his breath is rank… But mainly we just are not “getting” each other.
For example, we were at the grocery store yesterday and as the bagger was handing me my purchases, Declan was annoyed and done with sitting in the cart. Then I handed Declan the bag of bread to hold with him up in the front. I even said, “Here Dex, this is the bread, please keep it safe.”
What does he do?
He put it next to him and start pounding on it like it was a punching bag. No joke! Literally pounding the bread. My mouth was hanging open so wide you could have parked a semi in it. And when I snapped out of it, what did I do?
Yelled at him REALLY LOUD in front of God, country and grocery baggers alike.
In retrospect, I think he was trying to make room for himself in the front cart, but STILL. My child has NEVER done anything like that IN HIS ENTIRE FRICKIN’ LIFE. (And I know, because he probably wouldn’t be alive right now if he did shit like that on a regular basis).
As I was driving home, with a sullen and remorseful kid in the backseat (who wouldn’t be after they saw what was left of the bread?), I berated myself.
Maybe I am just not cut out for this gig. I suck as a mom. He deserves better. All the way through the grocery store I had lost my patience with him over inconsequential things. Yes, he earned some trouble for pounding the bread, but did I really need to YELL at him like a banshee?
And after a few tears, a few deep breaths, I reminded myself that Declan and I are not always going to get along. We are going to push each others buttons. And I have a really, really, really awesome kid.
So, this morning as I read Chris’ loving post to his daughter, I made a little promise to try again. To try harder.
And on those days that Declan and I aren’t getting along so well?
Maybe we can go pound some bread together.
I am still sick. Please send the bread.
Invest in yeast. I’m tellin’ ya.
oh, please don’t say you suck as a mom. you sound like a wonderful mom. and you’re a normal mom. yep, kids will spend a lifetime pushing your buttons (ha – wait til he’s a teenager). hang in there.
We all have days like that. (Some have more days than others…like me.)
I don’t think you’ve permanently scarred him, so you’re fine. We all lose our temper sometimes, and kids sometimes work hard to push our buttons.
All you can do is get through the day and tell yourself tomorrow is a brand new day, and it has the possibility to be a much better day.
Sometimes I actually say to my kids, “I am getting verrrry frustrated” or “I am about to lose my patience” and it kind of works. Occasionally.
Anyway, sorry you had a sucky day–here’s to a happier one tomorrow.
Damn I hate those days. For me, the bad kid days always coincide with the bad work days — I think I put off some kind of vibe that they pick up on — which is a shame because those are the days when my tolerance is at an all time low and my buttons are easily pushed. I hope tomorrow goes a little easier for you. Sometimes the whole being human gig sucks.
You don’t suck as a Mum. You’re wonderful. The things you do with Declan are just fabulous. I yell at all four of mine in the supermarket – it’s not sucking – it’s stylish public parenting with volume!!
Oh, I have so had those moments with my daughter. I made the mistake of calling myself a terrible mother once while apologizing to her and now, when her anger peaks, she says,
“You’re a HORRIBLE mother!”
My heart splinters in a thousand pieces even though I know that I’m the architect of that comment.
Being a mum can be so hard.
Hang in there.
thanks very much all! 🙂 We did have a better night last night, although there were some moments. Bryan got him to the docs yesterday and he does indeed have another infection so he is back on antibiotics.. so hopefully that will improve *his* mood… or at least his breath. 😉
And Karen…”stylish public parenting with volume” – LMAO!
Cut yourself some slack. Really. You’re doing fine!
Parenting isn’t supposed to be easy.
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Aaaaaaaw, we all have days like that, moments like that which reduce us to a tiny speck of the mom we thought we were.
Good thing we have “best days ever” to balance them out! 🙂
You do have an awesome kid and he has an awesome mom. It is okay to be frustrated with your child. You did not scar him for life. But I know that you *will* try harder. That is exactly what it is all about – improving. Doing better next time. And I bet he does better next time, too.
Last night, I was really frustrated with N and sang my little song I learned from Love & Logic parenting, “Oh, too bad, so sad, Nathan has to go to his room until he is ready to listen. Oh, that is just so sad. Have a good little tantrum. We will miss you. Please return when you are ready to listen.”
He thought I was a wee bit nuts, but did go upstairs and came down when he was ready to listen. It helped. And the rest of the night, we were both good.
We all have those moment we wish we could take back and “do-over”… but the most important thing I came out of my kids’ childhoods with was this: I am not perfect, and I will not tell my kids I am… and I will admit when I’m wrong. Trust me. It goes a long way toward a better relationship with your kids when you can be honest with them. Maybe Declan is too young to understand yet, but the day will come. From what I’ve seen, you’re a great mom… keep up the good work.
I think the starts must be aligned in a strange way because The Boy is acting like a jerk as well… I hear you. Hang in there…
Don’t say you’re a bad mom. You have the toughest job there is. Moments like that will happen. I love the ending of your post and I can just see you both smashing breads! 🙂
You know, I’ve really, really been struggling with the whole “I know I love this kid, but he’s driving me freaking insane” thing. It’s tough. I guess the important thing to realize is that your little guy is becoming independent… and, unfortunately, that means he’s going to be making decisions that drive you up the wall. The good news is that you’ve gotten him this far. You’ll get it figured out.