The Breakup Album

Bryan and I had lunch at The Yard House yesterday. I wanted a burger, he a salad. Which cracks me up when we do that, because the server invariably hands us each the wrong meal. “No, I’ll take the big hunk of flesh, and he’s got the rabbit food – thanks!”

But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, The Yard House, with 50 zillion beers on tap, none of which we can have over lunch, also blasts classic rock incessantly over their loud speakers. And while I have nothing intrinsically against classic rock, and there certainly are many AWESOME classic rock songs out there – let’s face it… there are also some REALLY shitty classic rock songs that somehow co-exist in the same universe with Led Zeppelin and The Who.

Yesterday was no exception. One crap-ass song after the other played throughout our burger-and-salad meal, till finally we hit the motherload.

Amie by Pure Prairie League.

I nearly fainted. “Argh! I hate this song. The only ‘Amy’ song in the whole entire world and I am forced to listen to THIS crap over and over my whole entire life.”

Bryan totally agreed. “This song belongs on ‘The Soundtrack of My Own Personal Hell.”

And that’s how we eased our pain, laughing over the idea of a mix CD of songs we would play during the bus ride to hell. And then I realized, “No wait! Even better! It should be a CD you give the person you are breaking up with. A Breakup CD! Here are all the songs I hate more than than anything in the whole world, and I want YOU to have them!”

That got us through “Fly Like An Eagle,” at the very least.

What songs would be on your Breakup CD?

This article has 27 comments

  1. Woodland Fairy

    Too funny, as a fellow Amy (albeit spelled differently than yours), I’ve always hated that Pure Prairie League song as well. lol

  2. joansy

    I’ve Never Been to Me – Charlene.

    Hands down, the worst song ever. But the use of it in Priscilla Queen of the Desert was fabulous. I don’t know if I can link, but here goes:

    “Oh, I’ve been to Nice and the isle of Greece
    when I sipped champagne on a yacht
    I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
    and showed them what I’ve got
    I’ve been undressed by kings
    and I’ve seen some things that a woman ain’t s’pose to see
    I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me…

    Hey, you know what paradise is?
    It’s a lie
    a fantasy we created about people and places
    as we like them to be
    but you know what truth is?
    it’s that little baby you’re holding
    and it’s that man you fought with this morning
    the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
    that’s truth that’s love.”

    Sorry about the long post, but this is something for which I’m pretty damn passionate.

  3. Noble Savage

    Madonna’s ‘American Life’ would feature prominently on my breakup album. The woman rhymed pilates with hotties, for christ sake.

  4. TX Poppet

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  5. TX Poppet

    I’m going to have to go with:
    ZZ Top’s “Tubesteak Boogie”
    Keep your dirty hairy tubesteak away from me!
    Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl”
    Somehow I think she’ll be Fy-yii-yine without YOU-oo-ooo
    Pussycat Doll’s “Don’t Cha”
    Don’tcha wish your girlfriend wasn’t a walking advertisement for the crabs like me?
    Justin Timberlake’s “SexyBack”
    Please don’t bring anything back. I didn’t want it the first time.

    Oh and kelly o? I am totally with you on Whitney’s A.L.Y. I’m a Dolly girl.

  6. sue

    Oh, geez… you’re actually gonna make me THINK? Let’s just say, too many to mention. 😉

  7. monstergirlee

    Anything by REO Speedwagon!

    And sgazzetti said what I was thinking – phil collins – ugh.

  8. aimee / greeblemonkey

    ooh yeah, that Anything for Love Meatloaf song would definitely be on mine. Christ, that song blows chunks.

  9. aimee / greeblemonkey

    And Charlotte And Sgazzetti… you are going to kill me. But two major guilty pleasures for me: Easy Lover and Something Happened On The Way To Heaven.

    {ducking and running now!!}

  10. The Lisa Show

    Hahaha. I love this. I’d give him a CD containing these songs:

    My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
    I Would do Anything for Love by Meatloaf
    Achy, Breaky Heart by ?
    Cuts Like a Knife by Bryan Adams

  11. Kelly O

    I can hang with just about anyone’s taste in music, but one of the songs that I canNOT abide by is Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You.” She took this sweet, sincere expression of love and loss and made it into a vocal exercise. Nails on a chalkboard. (Nothing against Whitney, though. Her song, “It’s not right, but it’s okay/I’m going to make it anyway”: love it.)

  12. MB

    Oh, girl. You know I’m all about planning for the bus trip to hell!

    Secret Lovers – Atlantic Starr
    Total Eclipse of the Heart (or Fart) – Bonnie Tyler
    Comeonshakeyourbodybabydotheconga (I don’t know the title)- Gloria Estefan

  13. painted maypole

    wow, that is a great idea, a break-up CD. I really dislike I would do Anything For Love… But I won’t do that (ack!) and my husband actually put it on a mix tape for me when we were dating!

    OH… I just noticed that someone else put this wretched Meatloaf song on their list! I am not alone! Hooray!

  14. sgazzetti

    Virtually anything by Phil Collins.

  15. crabapple

    anything by Huey Lewis. Also for some reason, though I generally am ok with Eric Clapton, I hate that song ” Lay down Sally”…ugghh. It used to embarrass me so much when my mom would drive me somewhere as a kid, and it would come on the radio. UGGHH. Oh yeah–also that stupid Umbrella song–played on repeat and sure to drive anyone crazy-azy-azy-azy.

  16. Anonymous

    I just have to say all these are hilarious!

  17. Anitra

    Though I used to love this song in its hay-day, William Hung made a mockery of “She Bang!”, so that should be on your break up CD. That and the “Thong Song”.

  18. soccer mom in denial

    I really need to write about (I seem to start a lot of comments this way – you just inspire me) Alison by Elvis C. I’ve got a radio story about the song about killing an ex-girlfriend (c’mon “I think somebody better put out the big light….”?).

  19. Madame M.

    Hey! Visiting from NaBloPoMo! That’s such a cruel yet funny idea. I think it would also be good to include a greatest hits CD of the ex’s least favorite band along with this mix to be truly excruciating.

  20. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Welcome MadamM, and what a lovely and evil twist! ha ha!

  21. peevish

    What an awesome idea!!

    I don’t want to list any of the worst songs because then I’ll be chicken-brained with them for the rest of the day. Aargh!
    But there are some really choice ones already here in comments. Tube-steak boogie? Help me, Jebus.

  22. Oh, The Joys

    My mazeratti does 185….

    I don’t know the name of that sh*t, but DAG.

  23. Alida

    What a great post. I’m just awful with songs and names of bands. However, everytime I read what someone wrote, I think, “Oh yeah, that one is awful.” My husband and I often jole about poor Billy Joel and all his truly awful hits…especially the mentioned “Uptown Girl.”

  24. Sizzle

    that’s like the BEST idea ever!

    my list would be too long. 😉

  25. alimartell

    it would be an entire cd filled with celine dion

  26. Heidi Hyde

    Too funny– add anything by Pink Floyd to mine. Doesn’t matter which one– aren’t they all the same song anyway?

    Yeah, yeah, I know PF is in the same category as LZ and RS- but listen, in my experience you either love ’em or ya hate ’em.

    I happen to be the latter.


    Rush Rocks!

  27. Mrs. Chicken

    I cannot stand “Baker Street.” Hate hate hate. And as for “Aime,” well. Let’s just say I share your pain on that one (just gave you a clue there).

Comments are now closed.
Send this to a friend