Where I Piss Some People Off (Again)

Yeah, it’s not the first time I’ve ticked people off on a national holiday (remember 4th of July?). But, oh well. I feel pretty strongly about this one too, so here goes.

To all the hypocritical uber-conservative Christians out there who hate Halloween:

Kindly shut the hell up.

Here is what started my foul mood on the subject. There is a school district here in Colorado that actually moved their Fall Break to cover October 31st so the kids would be out of school on Halloween, intentionally avoiding the “devil’s holiday” and it’s evil celebrations.

Are you fucking kidding me?

First of all, newsflash: Most of Christmas was originally a PAGAN holiday. December 25th is widely accepted by most historians as NOT Jesus’ birth date. There was a Roman solstice celebration that week that rivaled Mardi Gras for rabble-rousing, so the powers that be at the time combined the two holidays to try to keep the peace (and of course, convert Pagans to Christianity). Many of the beloved symbols of Christmas come from this Pagan celebration. Yule log? Pagan. Holly leaves and mistletoe? Pagan. Even the almighty Christmas tree? Originally worshiped by the Pagans. Our warm and fuzzy modern day image of Christmas was pretty much created in the mid 1800’s by Charles Dickens’ book, “A Christmas Carol.”

But I know what the uber-cons will say. “But that isn’t what it means today. Now it is a celebration of Jesus, his birth, his life, peace on earth, love for fellow man, yadda yadda yadda.”


Herein lies my point, friends.

Do you REALLY think that modern Halloween celebrations are about worshiping the devil?


Do you really think that people dressing up in funny, scary and silly costumes and eating way too much candy means they are practicing a long-dead religion (that for all intents and purposes is really just about following the cycles of nature – but that is beside the point anyway)?

And you are going to take one of the few holidays a year that has never had any religious crap attached to it and turn into such a debate that a school district will actually move their entire freaking Fall Break to avoid the issue?

And THEN you get mad at me because I ask you to say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” as you gleefully run off and spend all your life savings on things you can’t afford during a holiday that is so over-commercialized that Jesus himself upstairs in heaven is covering his eyes wondering what the FUCK is going on down here, all the while unwittingly celebrating mostly the same types of traditions you squashed two months prior pretty much because you just really needed something to get your panties in a twist about?

Well, dude. You need to just chill the fuck out.

{Deep breath.}

I sure hope you Devil Worshiping Pagans out there have a great time tonight. Howl at the moon a little for me.

This article has 69 comments


    I’m glad I found your blog, greeblemonkey. Another great addition to my daily reading.

    I am always still amazed at what the fundamentalist Christians down there in the US get up to. They are so twisted in their logic and application of Christianity that Jeebus himself would pitch rocks at them. You are so right — all of the so-called Christian holy days have pagan roots. Do you think the Christians were the first ones to think of symbolic rebirth celebrations somewhere around early spring? D’uh.

  2. thecasualperfectionist.com

    Amen, Sister! 😉 Ha.

    Unfortunately, I was raised by those of which you speak. 🙁 The first time I went trick-or-treating was in COLLEGE with my friends.

    (When I was younger, I always thought my mom was a bit over the top when it came to the “Devil’s Holiday,” but what could I do at the time? She let us participate in the Costume Parade at school, but we couldn’t be anything “evil.” I tried to be respectful, since she *is* my mom. Now, we just avoid the subject.)

    I’m raising my daughter differently than how I was raised. My little girl, who is almost two, went trick-or-treating today! (Our babysitter invited us to the Trick or Treat Street thing at her high school, so we went!) We both had a blast.

    I didn’t see any devil worshipers, but then again, I really wasn’t paying too much attention. 😉

  3. joansy

    I love you. But you know that.

    And you’re totally welcome to forego Christmas and Easter with me in exchange for celebration of the equinoxes and solstices. Four holidays instead of two and none of the religion debate.

    And yes, I know not all religious folks are uptight fun-killers, but they seem to have more than their fair share.

    I can’t believe a school district caved into that bullshit.

  4. g-man

    Too Funny. Fortunately we don’t have that kind of right wing (Angel wing to be sure) mentality in an overabundance here. (Even the Catholics are dressing up and going out trolling for sweets). Enjoy your day. 🙂

  5. Lisa

    Tell us how you really feel about it, would ya!?! lol

    Seriously, I agree with most everything you said. I’m just not literate enough to say it so clearly so I steer clear of trying to explain my feelings about the holidays – Halloween and Christmas – to anyone.

  6. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Casual – How fun! What did your daughter dress up as?


    Sara… Halloween originally was a Celtic ritual called Samhain, which marked the end of summer and the start of winter.

    From the History Channel:

    The Celts, who lived 2,000 years ago in the area that is now Ireland, the United Kingdom, and northern France, celebrated their new year on November 1. This day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31, they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.

    But you are right, there is always a way to spin it to make in innocuous for your child and household. And REALLY. We all know it’s about the CANDY.

    And as a diabetic, it’s my treat night, so maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about it, LOL!


    And welcome Urban Pedestrian, too! 🙂


    J, loves to you too.


    Gman – we are lucky our district did a nice mix. We had a mask parade last week in school and then a Halloween Carnival Monday night. I mean, I am OK with not letting the kid dress up in school as for the disrupive aspect of it – but GEEZ, this is like the funnest holiday of the year!


    Lisa, thanks! But, if you can’t talk about it, what’s your Jesus site? 🙂


  7. Joan

    I remember all the people who got upset over Harry Potter. It’s fiction! I bet most of them didn’t even read the books. When my 10 year old was about 4, she was a witch for Halloween. I found out that’s not okay with some folks. Please.

    Good luck starting NaBloPoMo tomorrow.

  8. Miss Eliza

    Amen, sister! Preach it!

  9. mayberry

    A neighbor told me yesterday that at her daughter’s Catholic school, a parent who happens to be Protestant was complaining that the school allowed the kids to dress up. OK! 1) Don’t send your kid that day. 2) Why do you have her enrolled in a Catholic school if you feel so strongly about your (non-Catholic) faith??

    We Catholics are cool with Halloween. Look at Mexico!

  10. Colleen

    Great post! It’s amazing that people have such issues with holidays like Halloween.

  11. Tree

    You have to admire how Christians co-opted all the pagan rituals in their efforts to convert and capture the masses eons ago.

    Well, here at the buckle of the bible belt, there are all sorts of crazy shenanigans about this holiday. Fortunately, N’s school is respectful of all beliefs and understands that it is all for fun.

  12. Sizzle

    yeah y’all…chill the fuck out. eat some bite sized candy.

  13. TX Poppet

    Hear hear! I am so with you on this one!

  14. noble savage

    Tell me about it! I invited some neighbours over for our housewarming Halloween party last Saturday and the ones on our left said they couldn’t come “because they’re Christian.” As if I was going to force them to dance around naked and sacrifice a lamb.

    Whatever, dude. More candy for me.

  15. Oh, The Joys

    You GO, girl!

    (You’re so CUTE when you rant!!)

  16. Andie

    I couldn’t agree more. I get so frustrated with everyone trying to make holidays so damn difficult.

    Can’t we all just get along? LOL

  17. Mamma

    I’ve been seeing your smiling face around the blogosphere and I just had to come check you out.

    After this post, MAN am I glad I did. You’re my kind of gal!!!

  18. Mr Lady

    Word. How was the carnival? The boys are dying to know what the theme of the Haunted House was this year!

  19. Sara

    Well, I always thought that All Hallow’s Eve was the time to celebrate the souls going to heaven. Even when I was a little kid, we were scaring away the souls that were bad and then celebrating that the good souls went to heaven. We won’t talk about the night before that though. 😉

    When my youngest was in kindergarten, ages ago and I still remember this, there were a few people that kept their kids out of school that day. We had a party and then walked to the bank for trick-or-treat. That consisted of everyone getting one lolly pop. Seriously, what’s the harm in a 5 year old getting candy from someone at the small neighborhood bank?

    I hope you have a Happy Halloween! 🙂 Don’t eat too much candy!

  20. Alida

    I am constantly amazed at the stupidity of it all.

    In Mexico (huge Catholic/Christian country, by the way) It’s El Dia de Los Muertos. Day of the dead. Nothing evil about dying is there?

    I went to Catholic school my entire school career. We had All Saints Day off on November 1st. It was so cool to be able to stay up late on halloween!!!

    I totally agree with you.

  21. monstergirlee

    You go Girl! (from a life long Catholic, we never had a problem with Halloween)

  22. Cody

    Hear hear.

    My mom is the sort to think Halloween is evil… and I was never allowed to go as anything scary. (I always wanted to go as a witch, but I’ve still never managed it.)

    For decorations, we always had pumpkins and autumn leaves, but never anything like ghosts and goblins. This tradition actually stuck with me, and I just find “autumn” decoration much more aesthetically pleasing than “Halloween” decorations.

  23. Summer

    thank you! So glad I found your blog, lady.

  24. L Sass

    I was just thinking about the fact that when I was in elementary school (20 years ago) we had a “fall festival” celebration and no costumes were allowed in school! Probably to appease the one family in each grade who had a problem with Halloween on a religious level. It’s really a pity… the rules seem to be looser here in NYC than in Minnesota and I think it’s fun for the kids!

  25. Sue at nobaddays

    I know I’m in the minority here … and liable to get axed by all your readers but, not having grown up with Halloween, I just can’t get excited about it or any great fuss anyone would make about it, Christian or not. I know – lame! I’m the person in your office who doesn’t dress up or decorate her cube … yes, I’m the Grinch of Halloween.

    – signed, Ducking to avoid all the grim reapers and their sickles

  26. thecasualperfectionist.com

    Hey, Aimee! She decided to be a princess!! I have some cute pics of her (if I do say so myself) up at my blog. http://www.thecasualperfectionist.com

    So, at our costume party this weekend, we did the house up like a castle, and the hubby and I became part of A Royal Family.

    “It’s good to be the Queen.” Ha.


  27. monstergirlee

    Sue – I wish you sat next to me….

  28. carrie


    And I don’t mean that to have any sort of religious conotation!

    Happy Devil Day! 🙂

  29. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    You gus are all cracking me up! LOVE IT!

    And welcome to all you newcomers!!! How fun is that, on a satanic post!?!?!

    And Sue and Monstergirlee, GASP!!!! Just kidding. Whatever floats you boat. That’s cool with me if you don’t dress up. It’s people ruining everyone elses fun who piss me off. 🙂


  30. Sarah

    Awesome post. Seriously laughed my whole way through.

  31. boogiemum (www.boogiemum.com)

    Thank you! I was raised by those of which you speak and never was allowed to celebrate Halloween as a kid. 🙁 Now we whoop it up with our kids.

    I also had a lady the other day go on about the devil worship, blah, blah, blah to me the other day and I was about to bite my tongue off… Do you mind if I just print your post and hand it to her tomorrow when I see her? 🙂

  32. Amanda

    hi! i love you! when other people rant things that i totally agree with, i always breathe a sigh of relief. “whew!” i say. “i don’t have to rant about that now! some wonderful like-minded person has already taken care of it!”

  33. Shannon

    Preach it, sister!

  34. MB

    Now, Ms. Greeble-pants, I happen to believe that Halloween is the evil-est holiday in the world. You’re driving the bus to hell, don’t you know? 🙂

  35. moosh in indy.

    So this is the first time I’ve read your blog and
    I had someone make a fairly holier than thou comment on the fact that I fully celebrate Halloween in all it’s caloric glory and rolled my eyes.
    Meet you around the severed goat’s head tonight?

  36. Anonymous

    I totally agree with you.

  37. Jennifer aka Binky Bitch

    Say it! Here, here! Such a true post!

  38. jen

    Word. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

  39. Angela

    Oh my, how I agree with you! In fact, I can’t even think of anything to add since you already said pretty much everything I think about the whole situation. Well said!

    I don’t know if you’ve ever listened to any Eddie Izzard routines, but he does a hilarious bit about the pagan roots of Easter and Christmas.

  40. Zee

    Well said! Completely agree.

    What’s got me scratching my head is “fall break.” What the heck is fall break? When I was a kid we got the last two weeks of December off and one week in March or so (for “Spring” break… aka EASTER) and that was it save the random holiday here or there.

    I have much-younger sibs and it seems like they are amost NEVER in school, what with the teacher-planning-days and the in-service days and the break here and holiday there. It’s a miracle they learn anything at all.. 🙂

  41. Jenn

    well, as comment number 44, I’m sure it’s all been said already, but please let me add my:


    and, the school rescheduled holidays to avoid Hallowe’en??!! oh.my.god. or pagan deity of choice.

  42. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Zee… GOOD POINT!!! That was another part of my post I meant to rant about! What’s the deal with kids getting FALL BREAK these days? Like I need to find coverage for 3 MORE days off school????

    And seriously, thank you all for being so supporting and loving… and I will see you all in hell. 😉

  43. Bec

    Serious, people are just idiots about religion and parenting.

  44. Karen

    I’m a Christian but I can’t get worked up about Hallowe’en. Like you say, it’s harmless fun these days. It’s funny you write here as the same topic is the basis for my next blog post!!!

  45. Karen

    I should add that I mean I don’t get religiously worked up! I totally did the pumpkin, dressed the kids up, sent them out and welcomed trick or treaters to my door last night – the atmosphere was anything but Satanic – it was lovely!

  46. Beth K. Vogt

    Came over to say “Happy NaBloPoMo” to you and found all the Happy Halloween blogs and photos . . . and. . . dare I say it? I don’t do Halloween for lots of different reasons. My kiddos didn’t do it the traditional way–and they still love me (most days.) And I’m (gasp) a believer (aka Christian) and lots of my Christian friends do Halloween. So be it. I think it’s the rabid ones that are causing the problem.
    On another note: I liked the turtle costume.
    See ya around NaBloPoMo!

  47. Chantelle

    Hear, hear! I wish there was more Halloween over here, but we do get All Hallows (Nov 1) off, so thats worth something.

  48. tmrperry

    amen, sister. amen. i grew up in upstate ny and went to a catholic school for a while. i never remember people being so uptight then. but now i live in the south and i know of which you speak.

    give me a f-ing break.

    btw, m & m were devils. a beautiful she-devil and a mean sorcerer devil. really, they just like the pitchforks!

  49. Andrea SK

    That… Actually… Happens?

    I am clearly a little too comfortable in my Canadian bubble. I can’t even imagine something like that happening up here. People would think it was a joke. For real.

    The things you learn!

  50. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    I love how you all think I am hot when I get pissed. Bryan must think I am CRAZY SEXY COOL all.. the.. freaking.. time!!!!

  51. TFO

    don’t worry the Christians as a corporate group will one day “take over” Halloween as they did Christmas and then it will not be fun anymore. enjoy it while you can…..sic.

  52. Anonymous

    Bring it girl!!!

  53. scalder

    Preach it, newfound blogger, preach it loud and profane….lovin it…

  54. Alpha DogMa

    You are so freakin’ hot when you get all pissy.

    I agree in spades.

  55. jen

    I live in the “Bible Belt” and I have neighbors that stand on main street every Saturday with signs about how Jesus can save me from myself…so, let’s just say I know EXACTLY how you feel! If the Devil is all about snack sized skittles and snickers…count me in!

  56. Simone

    Very eloquently put. Couldn’t have said it better myself!

  57. WiredMonkey

    I lived in a small town in Maine when I grew up, and I can’t even imagine not having a Halloween where you got dressed up and went out trick-or-treating. And, after graduating college and becoming a Grown Up with an Apartment Of His Own, I started buying candy to continue this grand tradition. Okay – so I don’t get trick-or-treaters for the first few years. Fair enough. *I* wouldn’t come to my apartment if I didn’t have to.

    But, for the past 6 or 7 years, I’ve lived in fairly nice neighborhoods, in actual houses (not apartments), and I keep expecting to get trick-or-treaters. Nada. Zip. Nothing. This year, I was THRILLED, because we got TWO trick-or-treaters. TWO!! It’s sad that only two kids found their way to our house. But, at least THEY made it there. What’s with the kids today???? Is it just my area in Texas, or are all kids more hesitant to go house to house and get the candy? As a parent, I’m willing to go over my son’s candy – aren’t other parents? Or is this just a freak occurrence in my neighborhood, and other neighborhoods are doing well? This comment is far too long. Thanks to those who have hung on! LOL…. Long live Halloween!!!

  58. Karen

    I completely agree. I’m generally proud to say that I’m a Christian, but I can’t tell you how frustrated I get when people go off of the deep end like that. Makes me want to apologize for them and say, “Not all of us are crazy-fundamentalist-wackos!!!”. All I have to say to them is…caaaalm down. Just calm down.

    I LOVE Halloween. Who doesn’t love dressing up and getting candy?

  59. Kaytabug

    I think I will worship you now! You typed my feelings so eloquently! You are my hero! I think I’m in love with a stranger.
    I had a conversation with my oldest on this topic on the 31st…he told me that some kids that go to church cant dress up or go trick or treating…he couldn’t figure out for the life of him why the heck not!
    I tried to explain…I hit some of the things you did but I think I will just let him read this.

    I happened upon you by Nablome…I like your Nablah too! I am so glad I scrolled down. I said that I wasn’t going to go looking for new reads, but I’m adding you to my list!

  60. soccer mom in denial

    Woah!! 61 comments! You hit the motherload.

    What I wish all these “I’m so embarrassed by them” folks would do is stand up and say stop it to their fellow parishioners who have gone off the deep end.

    The USA is so upset about Islamic fundamentalists? What about Christian fundamentalists? Sure, it is funny to moan about Halloween but what’s next?

    How’s that for raining on your tirade?

  61. katie

    Amen, sister!

    I’m tickled pink to have found your blog (through NaBloPoMo, of course). 🙂

  62. mothergoosemouse

    What you said. All of it.

    We found a Halloween history special on TV last week that explained the same points in detail, along with some other cool tidbits.

    Knowledge is power, people. 😉

  63. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    OK, yes, Maypole, technically you are correct… in that Halloween started as the Celtic festival of Samhain which essentially did was you described… so if you want to split hairs, it *is* a religious holiday… however most Hyper Conservative Christians would implode if you actually suggested that Paganism was a bonafide religion, no? 😉

    And Julie… The other one I love is Christmas Unwrapped, have you seen it? I thought about giving copies for Xmas presents but figured that might be stepping over the line… ;)))

  64. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Oh and Maypole, THANK YOU for your PS, which is what I would love to see people take Halloween for – just a FUN holiday!

  65. painted maypole

    here’s a little history for you… halloween (all hallows eve) is the day before All Saints Day, All hallow’s Eve was a night of remembrance for those who passed away during which people prayed that thir loved ones would make it to heaven. People believed that if you weren’t in prayer little demons might come and snatch your soul ayay. The idea of trick or treating originates from the myth that if a demon approached you trying to snatch away your soul you could either give him a treat or trick him (i.e. give him a riddle he couldn’t solve) into leaving you alone.

    so there you have it. Halloween started as a religious holiday. 🙂

    (me and my religious family think it’s just fun to dress up!)

  66. Anonymous

    Coming in late to say – RIGHT ON SISTER!

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