Note from Aimee: I lifted this from my husband's Facebook page. Yes, I am a thief.
Dog: Hey there! Great to see ya! Ooooo, you look tired. Wanna pet me? *lick lick* I love you! You smell nice! Like a heaven cake. With angel sprinkles too! That's you. I love you. I just want to lick you! *lick lick* How was your day? Me: Thanks, I'm tired. Feeling sick, but had a ton to do so had to work hard all day. Good to be done. Now I can relax. How about you? D: My day was great! I got up, got to see you. Then we walked for a while. I love walking with you. We saw a CAT! Then we got back and I ate. That was good. Then I took a long nap, oh did that feel good. *lick lick* Then I got up, shit all over the living room, then took another nap. I had no idea I was so tired. Then I went out in the yard for a while. There was a SQUIRREL. I can't catch them because they are fast. And now you are back, so this is AWESOME! *lick lick* I love this day! I love you! M: Hang on. Back to that part in the middle...
Me: "I better email myself this piece of info in the unlikely event that I forget it." Phone dings. Me: "Ooh, email! Wonder who it's from!"— Caissie St.Onge (@Caissie) February 2, 2015
They say not to go to bed angry so what am I supposed to do, never sleep?— caprice crane (@capricecrane) January 20, 2015
Katy Perry discovered Missy Elliot the way Kanye West discovered Paul McCartney the way Christopher Columbus discovered America.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) February 2, 2015
Okay, look, there's a Black History Month because the other 11 ARE White History Months.— Sir Chris Velazquez (@brilliantorange) January 22, 2015
Doing that ninja exercise where you punch water, only instead of water I'm using gravy, and instead of my fists, I'm using my tongue.— J. Sager Weinstein (@jacobsw) November 28, 2014
I'm thankful I didn't have to find out which family member brought the bottle of Ménage a Trois wine to Thanksgiving dinner.— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) November 28, 2014
"I don't think I'm going to make it to #SideboobSunday, you guys," he moaned from the La-Z-boy, cradling a distended, gravy-filled stomach.— Uncle Dynamite (@UncleDynamite) November 28, 2014
The only CGI in Star Wars The Force Awakens will be used to close Harrison Ford's earring hole.— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) November 28, 2014