The Day Declan Learned To Use The F-Bomb

Trust me, I can curse like a sailor. Over the past 6+ years of living with Declan, it’s been hard to watch my mouth. Sometimes a “crap,” “damn,” or even a “shit” has slipped out in the presence of my son. [No pun intended there, you people with gross, dirty minds.]

But nothing, nothing, prepared Declan for Ignite Boulder 5.

Not even my presentation at Ignite Boulder Four, which included a few choice curse words itself. But that he just watched on video, and we glossed over it as he laughed at the silly snotty photos mama had up on screen.

At Ignite Boulder Five, Miss Erika aka RedheadWriting took the stage. And proceeded to use the word “fuck” at least 30 times in the span of 5 minutes.

Now before you think I am upset about this, we knew we were taking Declan to an adult event. An over 21 event with beers and cursing. It just happened to be the Ignite that will go down as the bawdiest fucking Ignite of all time. And my 6.5 year old son was there to hear it all. Awesome.

And clearly he was listening. Towards the end of Erika’s preso, a photo flashed up on screen of a man in a silly hat. A stock photo that my company has used before. A photo that Declan totally recognized.

He felt so cool. Part of the crowd. He nonchalantly leaned over to Bryan, shrugged, and said, “I fuck that.”


Clearly he was using the word as in, “I know that,” or “I recognize that.” Unless he had an epiphany about his sexual orientation in the middle of the crowd at the Boulder Theater, but I doubt it.

Bryan calmly leaned over and said, “That is a really adult word, and you aren’t even using it correctly.”

End of story.

Except for the fact that both of us ran around the theater and told every single person in Boulder about it for the rest of the night.

And now I am telling you.

This article has 29 comments

  1. Anonymous

    this is going to go down as you BEST POST EVER. – m

  2. monstergirlee

    Fucking awesome…


  3. Rhiannon

    Once when I was perhaps Dex’s age, I said something to a driver that had cut my mom off in traffic – I don’t even remember what I said, but my mom yelled at him, and then so did I. She obviously was masking her laughter and said, “That isn’t for little girls to say, and besides, it didn’t even make any sense.” I’ll have to ask her what it was that I said.

  4. zipper


  5. Shel

    The rule in our family about the use of curse words is: You may use them, as long as you are absolutely, 100% sure and aware that you are NOT in any way offending someone. Granted, my kids are in middle school and high school, but we set this rule when the oldest was in 4th grade, and really talked about how/if they could be 100% sure. I’m happy to say that having a rule about cussing has helped them become aware of their surroundings and the appropriateness of their word choices in different settings.

  6. mediamum


    I think sometimes it’s easy to forget there are other words in the English language, just like sometimes I forget there are other liquids than alcohol. Sure, there’s use for them, but when people note your presentation because of the swearing rather than the content, or how cute your are when you’re drunk rather than what great conversations you had, I respectfully think that’s a fail.

    Just my 2c.

  7. Mamma

    Our kids can go to therapy together…

    “Why did my mom tell the whole world my stories??!!”

  8. Brandi

    Well, at least Bryan corrected him on using the word correctly. I mean, most parents would just tell the kid not to say it. Now, when Declan is “of age” to use the word, he will use it appropriately.

    Overall, I see this as a win. Tell me when the kid can hold his scotch and are willing to fly him to Texas.

  9. Lauren

    that kid CRACKS MY SHIT UP!!!!

  10. Erica

    LMFAO!!! That is funny.

    My older two kids curse. Using all words correctly. I am a proud mama… They were raised by sailors! (at least until they were about 6 and 5)

  11. Erika Napoletano aka @RedheadWriting

    I am delighted that I could be a part of your son’s formative years. It *was* a funny hat 🙂

  12. Emily

    I love that Bryan told Declan he wasn’t using the word correctly! It’s an admonishment AND an education, all in one!

  13. Anonymous

    Ditto – this is my favorite post of all time!

  14. Sizzle

    I love how you guys handled that. Declan is my favorite (after Finn of course).

  15. jennyonthespot

    I like that he is being taught proper use. It will serve him well, when he is allowed 🙂

  16. MarkGammon

    I was glad to be in attendance at this momentous event!!

  17. mb

    Imagine how proud – and BUSTED – I was when Ellie walked in the other day and said, “WHAT THE HELL???”

  18. Jill Brown

    I’ve been there. I’ve had this situation. I read this and I laughed until I cried! HAHAHAHAHA!

  19. Ashleigh

    Ha. Ha.

    I’m surprised I don’t curse more because how my father was growing up. The man has NO filter at all.

    My dog knows what the word means because she hides when I say it. That word is usually said to a uncooperative computer.

    Smart dog.

  20. Builder Mama

    Well, at least he didn’t bust it out in the 4-year old class at The World’s Most Expensive Preschool. It was the “letter F” week and the teacher asked if anyone knew a word that started with F, so he proceeded to raise his hand and say “Fuck” rather proudly. To her credit, the teacher told him that yes, Fuck does begin with the letter F but it’s a word we use at home, not at school. I take full credit for teaching him that one. Mom of the Year!!!

  21. Dawnie

    I read this entry first thing this morning, and I am STILL giggling about it. Props to Bryan for an awesome response to it.

  22. Mr Lady

    I’m pretty sure you’re going to be telling that story for the rest of his life. Also, Bryan in awesome.

  23. J at

    Bryan rocks. He totally handled that perfectly.

  24. dawn

    LOL! ah….the best word in the entire english language it is. just wait until he learns what it means!

  25. beyondalice

    O.M. G. That is incredibly awesomely funny. I am trying to smother my laughter here at my desk. I don’t WANT my child to say fuck…..but if they ever do, I hope it’s in an equally embarrassing format. LOVE it.

  26. Chris

    Oh my. That’s hilarious. Until it happens to us too.

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