Theology By Mail

Folding clothes last night...

Declan: “I respect my clothes. My clothes are awesome.”

Aimee: “Um, that’s good.”

Declan: “No, really. I respect my clothes. I respect God, and he respects clothes, so I respect them too.”

[OK. Hold up. Those of you who know us, know we are agnostic at best. We believe in a higher power, but not any one religion. And Declan has been randomly mentioning God and Jesus lately. Out of the blue. Like how the other day, he wished he could bring his PopPop, Martin Luther King Jr. and Jesus back from the dead. I told him he had to BE Jesus to do that.]

Aimee: “So, buddy. You have been talking about God a lot lately. Where have you been hearing about him?” [Wondering if his summer camp is having Jesus Week or something.]

Declan: [Looking at me with the most serious, earnest face ever] “The Oriental Trading Company catalog.”

Aimee: “I’m sorry, did you say… the Oriental Trading Company catalog???

Declan: “Yes! They have a whole section on God. They had a sign post pointing one way to God inside a heart. And a beachball with God on it. And! And!…”

I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard.

And I am going to hell.

This article has 43 comments

  1. heidi daisybones

    Oh my Sexy Fat Imaginary Goddess, that is hysterical! You crack me up:)

  2. Nadine

    Hahaha! TOO funny!

  3. zipper

    That. is. awesome.

  4. Neil

    God works in mysterious ways.

  5. Kimberly

    He’s right. The OTC has a huge religious section. I’ve often marveled at it while picking out birthday party favors. In truth, some of the items that they slap a cross or praying hands on makes me a little uncomfortable…but my mother was a nun so I’m warped going in.

  6. Mr Lady

    God works in mysterious, and surprisingly affordable ways.

  7. Mrs. FLinger

    I love Kim “my mother was a nun..” THERE is a story I need to hear.

    and you’re right, this is too awesome. Seriously.

  8. Ms. Maxwell

    Since it’s the only source of God in our house too, I put it on their nightstands for easy access.

  9. Brandy Radey

    Oriental Trading Co. Catalog….isn’t that what the nice Jehovas Witness ladies give me when they knock on my door on Sundays?

  10. BOSSY

    Too too funny.

  11. mamatulip

    This is hysterical. Funniest thing I have read all day!

  12. Anonymous


  13. GeekMommy

    The soda that I kept in my mouth barely while reading this was lost entirely upon reading Mr. Lady’s comment.

    Mine goes to a private Catholic school – so I’ve been fielding fun theology questions all year. Every answer preceded with “Well some people believe…”
    My favorite though was upon learning the Easter story, the following conversation happened in the car:
    Kidlet “Mommy? didn’t you say that in Heaven, it’s all just souls and people don’t take their bodies with them?”
    Me (recalling the multiple discussions of this upon death of cat last fall) “That’s right dear. Bodies don’t go to Heaven.”
    Kidlet “well, they said today that Jesus was bodily assumed into Heaven at school.”
    Me “Uh-huh” (paying attention to driving) “why do you bring it up hon?”
    Kidlet “Well don’t you think he feels a little weird being the only one in Heaven with a body? Wouldn’t it be like being naked when everyone else wasn’t?”

    I had to pull the car over I was laughing so hard.

  14. zenrain

    oh my god, that cracked me up!! i can’t wait to see him!!

  15. Rachel

    That is hysterical.
    The comments on this: equally hysterical, but dammit if GeekMommy’s didn’t make me nearly choke.

  16. Dina

    that was classic, btw i found you through rajean

  17. Anonymous

    Priceless. LOL. 🙂
    Diane C.

  18. Dropping Stitches

    Hey, Oriental Trading Company, the Book of Mormon…. all good US publications to teach us about God.

    Your son is awesome.

  19. tiddleywink

    I usually skip that section of the catalog, but shall now be reading it with renewed interest, and chuckling all the way!

  20. Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children

    Yes. You are going to hell. 😉

    That is just too funny, I had no idea the enlightenment to be found in the Oriental Trading Company catalog. Maybe the next time someone comes to my door to “save” me, I’ll say, “but! But! I have the Oriental Trading Company catalog!”

  21. Deb

    When my son was young he studied that catalog too, but he always wanted to plan Tiki parties or go to Chuck E Cheese afterwards. Declan might have a special calling!

    (Stumble it y’all!)

  22. The Casual Perfectionist

    Can I get an “Amen!” (in a pack of 12, assorted colors, with the matching center-piece. Thanks.)

    That’s a great post!

  23. gonzomama

    your boy is awesome. so funny.
    now i think i may have to order that beach ball!

  24. motherbumper

    O.T.C is down with the G.O.D? Who knew… well apparently Declan does. So darn funny and thank you, I needed this.

  25. Julie @ The Mom Slant

    I knew there was a reason I kept throwing it out. God knows Tacy doesn’t need any more godly influences in her life.

  26. Andrea

    your. best. post. ever.

  27. melody is slurping life

    Cracking up and loving your son!

  28. Heather

    note to self—toss the OTC catalog straight into our Unitarian recycling bin. hysterical!

  29. Jenny, the Bloggess


  30. Wendy

    Priceless! Kids say some of the funniest things.

    What a memory!


  31. gorillabuns

    man, i never paid attention to all the jesus business in the those catalogs. i never realized they could print all of that stuff on a tiny plastic bracelet!

  32. Sizzle

    You know, God is found in mysterious places. Like the Oriental Trading Company catalog apparently. HA!

  33. mayberry

    Aimee, you know what they say. The Lord works in mysterious ways. The Oriental Trading Company catalog could be one of those ways. YOU NEVER KNOW.

    OK, so I am not the first commenter to say this. I just think that gives more weight to my argument.

  34. Burgh Baby

    Does this mean that I can pray to the Church of the Oriental Trading Post Company? I was getting a little tired of my Spaghetti Monster deity.

  35. Fayza

    Peeing. Pants.

  36. Magpie

    This almost makes me wish I hadn’t managed to get off of every catalog mailing list out there.

  37. zenrain

    Jim here, try handing Dex a Trancendal Trading Trading Co. catalog instead. The Thoreau beachball is outstanding, works wonders in Walden pond–especially it’s been autographed by Don Henley!

  38. Kori

    I loved this post so much I had to email the link to all three of my friends. : )

  39. Rachael

    That is awesomely hilarious.

  40. LemonySarah

    So funny! My favorite Oriental Trading Company product (which I haven’t seen in a long time, sadly) was a little bubble kit with a cross on it. It was called “Religious Bubbles”.

  41. Creative Captures Photoart

    Sprite just came outta my nose!
    That is freakin’ Hilarious!!!!

  42. Megan

    Don’t worry, I will be there with you : )

  43. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

    The boy rocks.

    (I’ll see you in hell. We’ll have a drink.)

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