Vacation Guest Poster: Goon Squad Sarah
Sarah (of the Goon Squad) and I are so much alike. I stopped counting the similarities a long time ago. Except Sarah usually is more brave, and I laugh myself silly as she tells it like it is. Case in point…
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Stealth Poop
by Goon Squad Sarah
When Aimee asked if I would guest post on Greeeblemonkey I thought I would get all clever and make a video post.
Then I remembered that I am lazy, I don’t know how to edit and I that am often filled with self-loathing while seeing myself on camera and decided it would be wiser to just write something.
So what do I write for a guest post? I like to write things to humiliate the blogger I am guest posting for, but Aimee has always behaved like a perfect lady in my presence. I could write something about how my husband refuses to separate the lights and the darks and always leaves packs of gum in his pocket, but then he might stop doing laundry. I could write something about my in-laws that I would never write on my own blog, but I actually really like them so it wouldn’t be scandalous it would just be boring.
Instead of any of those things I will revisit a post that I wrote a couple of months ago that I ran across this morning that actually made me laugh out loud.
Oh yes, Sarah is lazy and humble.
Here goes nothing. I call this one Penis Envy? Not Me.
As a woman, there are certain things about being a man that mystify me.
Like, wouldn’t tight jeans be really uncomfortable?
and…
If you are wearing boxers does it just fall out sometimes when you are walking around?
and…
If you stand up to pee what happens when you are surprised by poop?
Well lucky me. Guess which one of these questions was answered for me today?
(I’ll give you a moment to look back over your choices.)
Yes, as the proud mother of a five year old boy I found out exactly what happens when a person is taken off guard by a stealth poop while one is standing up to urinate.
For those people without children (or with all girls) what happens is a boy poops on the floor.
And his legs.
And his pants.
And his underpants.
And the bath mat.
So while the idea of peeing my name in the snow still seems kind of cool, for today I’ll just be happy that I sit down when I pee.
Just in case.
P.S. – For those of you with all girls, this is your chance to gloat. You know the 5 year old boy wasn’t the one cleaning up the stray poo.
P.P.S – I abstained from inserting a picture into this post. You are welcome.
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Goon Squad Sarah can also be found writing at Sarah and the Goon Squad, Draft Day Suit, MamaPop, BlogHer and about 50 other places. Trust me, she has no life.
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Wow – I’ve wondered the same thing – on all three questions! Now I’m glad I’m female!
I am here to help.
I am going to hazard a guess that no guest poster has ever discussed stealth pooping. Congrats. You’re an original.
Wow, glad we stopped at three girls…though if my middle found out she could poop standing she just might try it! Shhhh.
I so wish my associations with this were all with littler boys, for a couple of totally unrelated reasons.
hee-hee you said poop.
f’ing awesome post.
Funny…my husband once told me how lucky I am that I sit down to pee, for that very reason.
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