I’m all about finding out what tics with your kid. With one of my twins a simple “I’m disappointed with your behavior” is always enough. Her sister, on the other hand, could care less what I think, is not the least bit bothered by time out, and pretty much only responds to me throwing away her toys (usually in response to her not cleaning them up off the floor) or taking away weekend fun (visits with grandma, trips to the shark tank, parties). Good luck on finding that trigger.
Nathan’s currency is hanging out with us or being in the same room as the rest of the family. It’s not video games, toys, tv. When we were dealing with behavior issues early this school year and had to have a consequence at home for an incident at school, we opted to send him to his room for 3 consecutive nights. Honestly, it worked. He could do whatever he wanted in his room (play cars, legos,Nintendo DS, read, whatever), he just could not be with the family.
It was hard on us as a family as we enjoy being with him and want to keep it like that, but it has consistently been the one consequence that works.
I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for you or be jealous of you! My kid is far from easy going…. But like a bunch of other people have said, you have to find his currency. It’s there and you probably have a good idea what it is. My stepson was so easy going and rarely got in trouble but when he did we had to take away books… yea books. ack that was hard to do!
I’m still figuring out currency for our kids myself.
Anonymous
Did you ever think of putting him on a chair and making him sit there for a half hour or hour? No talking, no drawing, no anything. But, you have to make sure you follow thru on that too.
with josh i’ve found that the ONLY thing that works with him is taking away all SCREENS, which means tv, computer, wii, xbox and ds. that one KILLS him!
Christina
Yep, gotta find that carrot that makes him tick. Easier said than never. I’m not sure I *ever* found it with my oldest. Wont bore you with how flipping exasperating he continues to be at the ripe old age of 23 😉
I’m a fan of the sit on the couch and do nothing punishment. But it is pretty cool that he is that chill.
painted maypole
oh, you know he was all flippant like that just to piss you off. let it go.
Doodaddy
Lock up the Wii?
MB
My kid pulls the, “well that didn’t even hurt” when I smack her little behind (and she’s probably right because I just smack to get her attention) and she, too, does the “yeah, I’ll just do something else (like eat crayons) and I will LOVE it.” My kid’s goal in life is to always appear totally UNAFFECTED by my disciplinary actions. I have ZERO advice because I obviously suck at it.
Megan
ditto the others – find his hot button.
carrie
Take away his puppy?
NO!
I am totally kidding there.
Andi
I hate to laugh, but it does SUCK!
Nat
Funny we were talking about this at lunch yesterday.
I’m with Ali. We take away screens too. All of them. If there is guff around the screen thing it either (a) gets longer (one night, two nights) or depending on the time of day we (b) send him right to bed. No story. No snuggle. Just get PJs on and hop into bed. Lights out. He really really hates that.
Betzography
My youngest was… hmm is still (at nearly 14) like that. He’d just shrug and move on to something else. I echo what the others say about finding his carrot but with really easy going kids it’s hard because hell they’ll just munch on broccoli for the day.
Mine are 22, 18 and almost 14… the carrot has been changing on a daily basis for 22 years. Screens would have worked except I have readers… they’d just go read a book if the screens weren’t available.
that was totally me as a kid! it was impossible to punish me since i had no attachment to any material thing and i had a wicked imagination so entertaining myself was easy. this is why i usually got a good slap on the ass when i messed up.
but, i agree with joansy, i think the best thing to do is let them know that they’ve disappointed you.
Anonymous
Easy going kids (and adults) are the most difficult and most easy to work with. Most difficult if they feel they are on the receiving end of ANY authority. They are innately rebels. So, taking anything away they like wont matter to them because they really have only one thing they care about and want to protect. Their ego. All the yelling and discipline will make them only distant from you and they will get your point but still will focus on the authority thing. They are also the easiest to motivate though. Problem with kids like this is that they are truly group oriented and feel everyone is equal. Obviously thats a good thing, but when young, they wont take direction from anyone very well. They will need to be a part of the direction. Not followers of any kind. Group oriented with a nack for leadership. You as the parent will simply have to join in on ALL aspects of their homework and help manage everything but let them lead. They will automatically get excited because they are not being told what to do. They will feel a partnership. Its a lot of work for parents though. As parents, we think just because we are their superiors, that we can say and they will do. In their minds, they really are just smaller versions of equals. There is no magic pill or short cut with confident high ego smart children. Being their boss will make them check out. Being their partner in school will make them blossom. I know, I used to be one of these kids. I and my parents had to learn the hard way. Good luck! Its good to have kids like this in the long run, but absolute headache in the short term. You want independent minded leaders. Besides, where do you think their rebellion comes from. Their independent minds.
You have to go for the jugular. Figure out what he really does care about, and go for that.
Although I am partially speaking out of my butt, because on a daily basis at least one of my kids makes me go “Now what do I do?”
I’m all about finding out what tics with your kid. With one of my twins a simple “I’m disappointed with your behavior” is always enough. Her sister, on the other hand, could care less what I think, is not the least bit bothered by time out, and pretty much only responds to me throwing away her toys (usually in response to her not cleaning them up off the floor) or taking away weekend fun (visits with grandma, trips to the shark tank, parties). Good luck on finding that trigger.
you are screwed!
Nathan’s currency is hanging out with us or being in the same room as the rest of the family. It’s not video games, toys, tv. When we were dealing with behavior issues early this school year and had to have a consequence at home for an incident at school, we opted to send him to his room for 3 consecutive nights. Honestly, it worked. He could do whatever he wanted in his room (play cars, legos,Nintendo DS, read, whatever), he just could not be with the family.
It was hard on us as a family as we enjoy being with him and want to keep it like that, but it has consistently been the one consequence that works.
I’m not sure if I should feel sorry for you or be jealous of you! My kid is far from easy going….
But like a bunch of other people have said, you have to find his currency. It’s there and you probably have a good idea what it is. My stepson was so easy going and rarely got in trouble but when he did we had to take away books… yea books. ack that was hard to do!
Score one for Declan!
I’m still figuring out currency for our kids myself.
Did you ever think of putting him on a chair and making him sit there for a half hour or hour? No talking, no drawing, no anything. But, you have to make sure you follow thru on that too.
with josh i’ve found that the ONLY thing that works with him is taking away all SCREENS, which means tv, computer, wii, xbox and ds. that one KILLS him!
Yep, gotta find that carrot that makes him tick. Easier said than never. I’m not sure I *ever* found it with my oldest. Wont bore you with how flipping exasperating he continues to be at the ripe old age of 23 😉
I’m a fan of the sit on the couch and do nothing punishment. But it is pretty cool that he is that chill.
oh, you know he was all flippant like that just to piss you off. let it go.
Lock up the Wii?
My kid pulls the, “well that didn’t even hurt” when I smack her little behind (and she’s probably right because I just smack to get her attention) and she, too, does the “yeah, I’ll just do something else (like eat crayons) and I will LOVE it.” My kid’s goal in life is to always appear totally UNAFFECTED by my disciplinary actions. I have ZERO advice because I obviously suck at it.
ditto the others – find his hot button.
Take away his puppy?
NO!
I am totally kidding there.
I hate to laugh, but it does SUCK!
Funny we were talking about this at lunch yesterday.
I’m with Ali. We take away screens too. All of them.
If there is guff around the screen thing it either (a) gets longer (one night, two nights) or depending on the time of day we (b) send him right to bed. No story. No snuggle. Just get PJs on and hop into bed. Lights out. He really really hates that.
My youngest was… hmm is still (at nearly 14) like that. He’d just shrug and move on to something else. I echo what the others say about finding his carrot but with really easy going kids it’s hard because hell they’ll just munch on broccoli for the day.
Mine are 22, 18 and almost 14… the carrot has been changing on a daily basis for 22 years. Screens would have worked except I have readers… they’d just go read a book if the screens weren’t available.
OMG! I have that exact problem! I’m using the ‘going to goodwill’ one now. Hopefully I do not have to follow though!
Admit defeat and open a bottle of Cab.
I HAVE the same problem!!! I can’t wait to read these suggestions!
Nice try though.
SHit I hate that.
I asked my son if he wanted to call Daddy at work to tell him he was being bad. His answer? :YES”.
Fuckity fuck fuck. Backfire.
I have the exact same problem with my son. Nothing phases him.
I read every comment to get ideas.
It looks like we’re screwed, Aimee.
LOL, I’m so glad I’m not the only one who says Fuckity Fuck Fuck.
Hahahaha! Monkey did the same yesterday!
Make them sit in YOUR room.
That’s what I do. Nothing interesting in there.
😉
Early bed! My kids can’t stand that one!
that was totally me as a kid! it was impossible to punish me since i had no attachment to any material thing and i had a wicked imagination so entertaining myself was easy. this is why i usually got a good slap on the ass when i messed up.
but, i agree with joansy, i think the best thing to do is let them know that they’ve disappointed you.
Easy going kids (and adults) are the most difficult and most easy to work with. Most difficult if they feel they are on the receiving end of ANY authority. They are innately rebels. So, taking anything away they like wont matter to them because they really have only one thing they care about and want to protect. Their ego. All the yelling and discipline will make them only distant from you and they will get your point but still will focus on the authority thing. They are also the easiest to motivate though. Problem with kids like this is that they are truly group oriented and feel everyone is equal. Obviously thats a good thing, but when young, they wont take direction from anyone very well. They will need to be a part of the direction. Not followers of any kind. Group oriented with a nack for leadership. You as the parent will simply have to join in on ALL aspects of their homework and help manage everything but let them lead. They will automatically get excited because they are not being told what to do. They will feel a partnership. Its a lot of work for parents though. As parents, we think just because we are their superiors, that we can say and they will do. In their minds, they really are just smaller versions of equals. There is no magic pill or short cut with confident high ego smart children. Being their boss will make them check out. Being their partner in school will make them blossom. I know, I used to be one of these kids. I and my parents had to learn the hard way. Good luck! Its good to have kids like this in the long run, but absolute headache in the short term. You want independent minded leaders. Besides, where do you think their rebellion comes from. Their independent minds.