Sleep Number Humor

Bryan and I have a Sleep Number Bed. Which was pretty much one of the best things we have ever purchased in our entire lives because we are the quintessential TV commercial – I am a 35 (soft) and he is an 80 (hard as a wood plank).

Last night, for some odd reason, I jumped onto his side of the bed as we were laying (or should it be lying?) there having our nightly chat, and he sunk deeply into my side. There was a lull in the conversation and he started in with this little routine that I’d like to share with you. Imagine him saying the whole thing in a very nasally, nerdy government tool type voice.

“Hello, I am a representative from the Department of Homeland Security. I am here to tell you that while you were at work today, we have replaced the contents of your bed with applesauce. This is for your protection. In case of terrorist attack – of course, the first thing you do is duct tape up all your windows. But the second thing you do is settle into your squishy applesauce bed and relax. The relaxing properties of applesauce are well-known. And when you get hungry, you can simply use this pointed straw from a Capri-Sun that we have provided for you to puncture your bed, slurp some applesauce, and then resume your anti-terrorism vigil in your squishy new Apple Sauce Bed from the Department of Homeland Security. There. Now. Don’t we all feel a hell of a lot better?”

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  1. Tree

    ROFLMAO! I am sure that was even funnier in person!

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