Another example of my stupendous parenting skills

I was handling drop of yesterday, and as we walked up to the playground (seeing as we made it there in time to play for once in our lives), I said to Declan, “Do you want to play with Lulu on the monkeybars?”

To which Declan responded, “No whores on bars.”


I just stood there for a minute as the whole playground twirled around me in slow motion, kids turning into a blur of color and light.

Did my child just call his little friend Lulu a WHORE?

“Um, Dex, what did you just say?”

“Mama, no WHORES on BARS!”

[insert maybe a slight overreaction on my part here]

I sat down with him on the playground and said, “Look honey, can you explain what you are trying to say? Because the word whores is actually an adult word and I am pretty sure you don’t mean to say that.”

[sniff, sniff – starting to panic] “MAMA. NO WHORES ON BARS.”

As they say, retrospect is 20/20 and all that (or in my case 20/15 because I like kick-ass vision and all), but what I finally got out of him is that the gym teacher calls the monkey bars HORIZONTAL BARS and that the Kindergarteners are not allowed to play on them yet because not all the kids can do them, and basically she spends the whole class cleaning up busted knees when they do.

Yup. Lesson learned. I should have just said “uh huh, whatever” and herded him off to some other activity… I’ll just roll with it next time.

But at least we can all breathe a sigh of relief that Lulu is definitely *not* a whore.

This article has 15 comments

  1. dawn224

    *snort* Is the gym teacher cool enough you can pass this along?

  2. Sizzle

    i was gonna say, they sure are starting younger and younger these days!

  3. Tree

    LMAO! I love it.

  4. monstergirlee

    funny funny!

  5. boogiemum (

    That is so funny… If the gym teacher is cool, I would definitely share this 🙂

  6. Alpha DogMa

    Sometimes as mom you just have to smile and nod. And laugh later.

  7. aimee / greeblemonkey

    Hey, Alison, no ragging on Lulu! 😉 She rocks! And has a little brother named Declan! Just because I called her a whore and all… 😉

  8. samantha Jo Campen

    Well I’m glad we can put THAT rumor to rest then.


  9. carrie

    Oh jeez. I don’t know if I could’ve made it through that conversation with the grace that you did!

    Nice work.

  10. soccer mom in denial

    Phew. I mean with a name like Lulu you can never know.

    Just wait until the post comes about how one of my sons has now decided to insult his brother by calling him a “girl”. Oh darling – the feminist rage came out last night and after enduring that he sure was a sweet little boy today….

  11. Nat

    hahahaha… good god well at least he is learning new words.

  12. Mayberrys

    I would definitely share with the gym teacher.

  13. painted maypole

    very funny story! 🙂

  14. sue

    Oh, my… I’ve done things like this and my kids are all upset because they can NOT make me understand, then one of their siblings will come along and interpret (of course, this was years ago). It sure makes me feel like an idiot when it happens!

  15. tmrperry

    that’s hysterical!

    when Joe was a kid and would say the pledge of allegiance, he would say, “…and to the republic for Richard Stands…”

Comments are now closed.
Send this to a friend