Our Scientifically Calibrated List of People Who Should Come Out As Gay But Really Are Not

So, you know how Ricky Martin turned out to be gay? Shocker, right? Yeah. Not so much.

The good news is I am super happy that Ricky finally felt comfortable enough in his own skin to be who he is out in the world, because personally, I could give a fig what or who other people do in the bedroom.

That doesn’t mean that Favstar didn’t have me rolling around on the bed laughing at Ricky Martin jokes that night – or, did it stop Bryan and James and I from talking about who ELSE might be gay during lunch, which lead to a conversation about the people who would be hilarious to watch come out even thought we totally knew they were not, in fact, gay.

I started recording us chatting on my phone to help me remember it for a post, but screw it. Here is the recording. As my post.

And here is our resulting Top 5. People who would be hilarious to watch come out but aren’t actually gay. Except Urkle. We’re still pretty sure he is gay.






Oh. And I apologize for the slurping sounds I make all the way through the audio. We were walking back from lunch, the same lunch where I tweeted this:

I blame Spring Fever for all this.

This article has 12 comments

  1. Angelina


  2. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Nat – Sylar is from Heroes. The one that took all the powers from everyone.

    Bill Shatner – ha!!

  3. Megan

    Just laughed myself silly. And re the other post – fuck em.

  4. Meghann

    Karl Rove made me think of Donald Rumsfeld. And now the image will NOT get out of my head. I may never sleep again.

  5. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    Rumsfeld!!!!! That would be the awesomest.

  6. Jim

    Loved this.

  7. Nat

    I have no clue who Skylar is but in that photo he sets off my gaydar. Ann Coulter is transgendered I’m sure.

    Think it would be funny to hear Sean Connery come out.

    Supposed we’re just waiting on Tom Cruise now eh?

  8. Nat

    Bill Shatner (who may very well be gay).

  9. extrayay

    “I’m homoslexic.”

  10. Miss Britt

    Karl Rove and Ann Coulter coming out would pretty much MAKE MY DECADE!

  11. LemonySarah

    I’m a little late to comment but I think Zachary Quinto actually IS gay. I think your list is more than funny, it’s frighteningly accurate!

  12. Aimee Greeblemonkey

    We’re talking SYLAR thought. ha.

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